Pay Per Post

Hey All-

Now, you all know that I'm a SUPER BROKE college student and I can always use some money.  I wanted to let you guys know about this new site I just joined.  It's called PayPerPost.  Basically, you join and from then you can pick an opportunity and the company will pay you to blog about that certain product or service.  It's pretty cool.  I signed up when I saw an ad on BlogExplosion and decided "Hey...it couldn't hurt".  

They pay you via PayPal so it's all legit (trust me, you KNOW I was doing my homework on that one).  The prices for the posting run from $5 to like $500 each depending on the opportunity! You can also donate what you earned to your favorite charity! PPP is also helping my networking opportunities, which I LOVE!  You know I'm alllll about the networking.  I've learned quite about about how companies advertise, which is always interesting to me.  So, fellow bloggers: do yourself a favor and make some cash or donate it to your favority charity!

Sunday...Lazy Sunday

I feel like a wilted hibiscus at the moment, lovely to look at but makes you sad at the same time.  I haven't slept at all because I don't have time.  I went into work at 2 AM this morning and got off at 10.  I came in and did some homework, maybe napped for an hour and then made something to eat.  Now, I'm working on a paper and I need to grocery shopping.  Too bad my car is acting up, otherwise all this shit would have been done and over with.  I'm just going to have an assload of errands to run tomorrow.

I have class from 10-3:15 and then after that I'm going to try to go by the grocery store and pick some stuff up.  I definitely need cat food and litter...that will be gone by tonight.  I also have an Visa bills to pay, which sucks, but I definitely like having OK credit and plan on keeping it that way.  I'm contemplating ordering Pizza Hut tonight (pizza, wings, cinn-sticks) since I know that if I order that it will keep me fed for at least a week.  I will actually get to relax a bit tonight and just do homework.  THANK GOD!  I actually get to watch the Simpsons...which I haven't done in weeks.  I was going through withdrawals.  I also need to find a new job that will have me working 3rd shift during the week.  I have no problem with that.  I can work the sleep clinic just over the weekend.  If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

*comic courtesy of http://www.toothpastefordinner.com

Tears and Pain

Rob went back to Detroit today; I'm sad.  I really wish he could have stayed till Wednesday since I wanted to go to the Cabaret.  Oh well...

I feel really crappy and I have to go work in Robinson in an hour serving pizza *weakly* wooohoo...  I hate this shit passionately.  It's LAME.  I need to get my transmission looked at ASAP.  Also, there is supposed to be this party on Saturday that the Sigmas are throwing that I will probably be unable to go to because that is one of my cardiologist/oncologist appointment days at CMCC.  So I'll probably be feeling badly and unable to go.  To be honest, I just want to sleep because of how worn down my body is.  It's gotten to a point now that if I don't get some rest soon, my body will just shut down and I will be SOL.

I've been in a lot of pain lately and I just want it to stop.  Clinical depression is most definitely taking a back seat to the physical pain I'm in.  Last night, I could barely walk and had to be at the voting thing.  I already said that I was voting yes on all aspects and most were well aware of it, but for some reason had to be present...hmm....so they sent someone to come pick me up because my ride from the extra credit study session thing dropped me off at home and then she went home.  So I was in agony through this whole thing (which was like 15 minutes, literally) and couldn't even sit down.  I got home and my body essentially shut down, I couldn't even talk.  Then Rob kept asking me what was wrong and I'm like...just let me sleep...please.  I honestly don't even know why I bother doing half the shit that I do, it's not doing anything for me besides causing stress.  

One down...24 to go

I have my first Anthropology exam in less than and hour and I'm FREAKING OUT!  I guess the day I was late for class, she covered a lot in that 10 minutes.  Also, I'm done working for the Athletic Office because they are assholes.  They refuse to acknowledge the difficulties I was having and (not to be the stereotypical black person and pull the race card) I think that has to do with my skin color, but that's a whole other kettle of fish.  So right now, I'm trying to get my schedule straightened out.  I know I have two exams today/tonight, none tomorrow, and then a Human Sexuality Theory exam on Friday.  They are killing me with this mess.

I honestly have no idea how I'm going to do on this Anthropology exam and that scares the crap out of me.  The majority of the things on the study guide I know because they are self explanatory, then there is some other crap on there that MAKES NO SENSE!  Arrrrgh!  I almost feel like I set myself up for failure.  The class load isn't that big of a deal, it's not that bad.  I still have Fridays off to retake tests or do whatever, but I'm just sick of it.  

Why do I always have to try to be better than everyone else academically?  I'm not making a conscious effort of it; it's just the way I attack schoolwork.  I have to work my ass off and go WAY above and beyond the call of duty because if i don't, I'll get passed over for some important position or something.  Let's think about this: I do more volunteer work than anyone else I know; I teach Spanish part time to international students.  I speak 2 languages fluently (currently working on Japanese); I am willing to do ANYTHING to get ahead; I'm very involved on campus and family oriented.  I feel like I'm almost trying to hard, but in order to succeed that is what's necessary these days.  Someone give me a Valium...I need to rest.

Back in MP

My weekend home came to an end *tear*.  Although they get on my LAST nerve sometimes, my family is my life.  I don't know where I would be without them.  I was about to cry because when I came out to the car to say goodbye to Bryce, he was begging my Mom if he could stay in Mount Pleasant with me.  That KILLED me.  It touched me, but then I was thinking about how frustrating he can be.  I'm missing my dad more than anything...I got to see him for a very short time while in Kalamazoo.

The cats decided that if i leave anything in front of them, it's theirs.  I had a good lunch planned: a tortilla and chorizo and eggs.  I sat the plate down on my desk and went to grab my water bottle and settle in for Spanish cramming and lunch.  I came back  to my desk and I see my two sweet kitties CHOWING DOWN on my chorizo and eggs (I guess they didn't like the tortilla).  I couldn't even get mad, I just grabbed it and told them no.  Later on, I had a bowl of my Mom's chili and some tortilla chips.  Being the idiot that I am, I left the room again and went to go find my phone.  I came back and they had eaten almost the whole bowl!  Once again, I couldn't even get mad.  There isn't anything in it that would make them sick (just a little gassy) so I just left them alone.

I have SO many tests this week.  I have my Spanish exam tomorrow, my Speech and Language Development and Anthropology exams on Wednesday, and my Human Sexuality Theory exam on Friday.  I'm going to be sooooo worn down.  Pray for me, guys!  Well, I'm off to bed since I've been studying all darn day and I'm ready to conk out for the night.  

Also, just for the hell of it a picture I took of Rob and I last weekend (yeah, we were a little intoxicated): 

Home at last!

So, my sorority is having a day regional business meetings tomorrow and guess where it is, conveniently since I'm already here... MY HOME TOWN!  So, I got home today around 5 and immediately laid in my bed and relaxed.  There is supposed to be this massive party and crap, but that's just not appealing to me anymore.  I'm home, I want to stay with my family.  They miss me as much as I miss them.  My mom and brother were WAY too happy to see me.  I didn't get to see my dad.  Last I heard, he wasn't feeling really well.

I'm not even going to party, I feel like I don't need to.  People go to clubs and bars to find someone to date.  I'm happy with who I'm with and I don't need to drink and shake my ass with some random guy because that's just inviting a situation that I don't want.  I'm happy with where I am right now.  True, I'm stressed and my depression gets the best of me, but I have a blessed life.  I thank God every day for the wonderful family and friends that I have.  My mother, stepfather, father, and stepmother do way more for me than I could ever ask for.  They are amazing people.  True, I'm only home for 2 days, but I'm going to do as much as I can with them to stretch it.

It's Over!!!!!! *cue angelic chorus*

I'm SO SO SO glad that the damn Icebreaker is over.  There was so much B.S. and drama that was dredged up by it, it was insane.  Now, all that's left is Gamma Week and all this crap will be over with.   

Well, onto the subject of this post: DRAMA.  The shoes I wore to the Icebreaker were about 5 1/2" heels, so needless the say...my dogs were BARKING by the end of the night.  So, we come back to my place and Rob offers to rub my feet(being the good husband he is).  Later on, Carolyn asks me what we did before the party.  I said changed clothes and got a massage.  She says, oh well the girls thought you all were down there having sex.  WHAT.  THE.  HELL.  

First of all, why are y'all worried about what the hell I'm doing in my own house?!? You don't live here, don't tell me what the fuck I can and cannot do in my own space.  Second, what the hell does what I'm doing with my future husband have to do with you?!?  That is the same man I will be having sex with for the rest of my life, your ass is not included in the equation.  Third, what kind of trifling-ass female do you think I am to have sex loudly while there are guests in the house?!?  I'm sorry, but MY mother raised me right; she raised me better than that.  She raised me as a woman of distinction from birth.  

Needless to say, I'm heated.  So, my future husband is rubbing my feet because they were going numb in those shoes and I moaned a bit because it feels good and automatically you are going to assume that we were having sex (I think it has to do with the black woman as either a mammy character or a Jezebel, but that's another post for another time...maybe tomorrow?). And so what if we were?  Why are you mad?  Maybe because I've found the man who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?  Young-acting females: don't be jealous...it's unbecoming.

Photo courtesy of http://boojum.dreamhosters.com

My Sweetie, Bad TV, and Nights That Scream College!

I'm happy and relaxing today, Rob is in town to spend a bit of time with me.  I almost felt bad because his grandmother didn't want him to come up here last night, she wanted him to wait.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Anyway, the Icebreaker is tonight and I'm happy because ALL the recent drama I've had can be attributed to this damn party.  The title is "Pink Ice", so I'll 9 times out of 10 be trying to wear something with pink in it.  I'll take pics for you all.  I'm glad it's tonight and after this IT WILL BE OVER!  So that will take some pressure off of me as well as get rid of the B.S. that has been in my life.

I've spent the better part of my Saturday watching Cheaters and browsing my favorite blogs and various webpages of friends.  Cheaters is one of my FAVORITE trashy shows and Joey Greco (the host) is my personal hero.  He has been slapped, punched, and even STABBED for the trashiness of this show.  For some reason, I love seeing all these filthy looking people fighting for the love of another.  My favorite ones are the gay/lesbian couples when one of them gets caught cheating with a member of the opposite sex and a BRAWL ensues, especially.  That stuff is what good TV is made of.

I'm glad that Rob's here, I've missed him lots.  Also, Barsen and his friend Brandon are trying to make it up here tonight for the Icebreaker and, to quote Barsen, "THE BITCHES!"  That just cracked me the hell up.    I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to wear tonight.  There are a few options, but since the majority of my clothes are in Kalamazoo, I'm lacking my normal party clothes.  So, I'll probably just end up throwing on a low-cut tank top and some jeans with stilletos and call it a night.  As I said before, the afterparty is at my place which is going to be interesting.  Needless to say, we will have a bunch of drunk people passed out on our living room floor.  Tonight will be one of those nights that screams COLLEGE!

Crying Broke vs. Being a Separate Entity

I'm sure you all are used to college students crying broke, but this time it's actually true.  I have ABSOLUTELY no money and my car broke down on my last night.  Well...not really broke down, but it definitely needs transmission work done.  So, I'm trying to get my debts paid to this hospital in order to open up a new credit card and charge my car repairs to it.  I know this is stupid of me and will screw me over later on, but I need a vehicle to do everything!  I normally don't set myself up for failure like this, but this is absolutely necessary.  The only reason I'm having such a hard time with this is because I've fought and fought with my parents for most of my life trying to get them to accepts me as an independent entity.  They are having a hard time with it, but we actually made some progress over the summer!  I don't want this entire thing to set me back with that, since they don't accept me as my own person yet.  All my father has said is that he's proud of me for fighting and trying to take care of myself on my own because I don't have to.  To quote him, "You're doing this because you want to assert your independence and you don't know how happy that makes me; I had to do it because your grandparents were broke!"  So I figured, hmmm...I'll sell the computer that I don't need.  I put a posting on Craigslist that went just like this:

Hey everyone-

I just bought a new MacBook (YAY) so I can sell my Toshiba Satellite that has served me so well all this time. It is a Toshiba Satellite A15-S1692. I got it a couple of years ago and it is a great computer.

Features:
Windows XP Home Edition 2002 version
Microsoft Word 2007
New Internet Explorer
2.19GHz, 240 MB of RAM
Including wireless card, bag, and webcam
No damage done to outer casing
Screen was replaced last year

I will be cleaning everything out so there will be more room on it. I'm selling everything for $800/OBO and would like to get that handled as soon as possible. Make me an offer!

***Note-The laptop in the pic is obviously not mine, but it is the same type and will give you an idea of what it's like****

I ended up getting an offer and things were fine, except that his secretary sent me the wrong check (twice as much as I asked for) and I deposited the check in order to send him back what isn't mine and the check has not cleared after a week.  In other words, THE CHECK BOUNCED!  So, I told him to stop payment on the check and I will sell it to someone else.  This is insanity!!!!

Can I Catch My Breath???

So, the beginning of this week has already been rough.  Outside of my 21 credit hours and 4 jobs...I've got an interview for a 5th one (assistant manager at a new restaurant in MP).  I'm really hoping I get it.  I like being able to keep living in the way I've grown accustomed.  Then, there's all this BS surrounding events for my organization(don't get me started) AND my father and I both have surgeries coming up.  So, I am sort of lost...I have no idea where I'm going throughout the day.  It's rough.  I have no idea how I'm going to survive this year.  

It's hard going through this and doing it alone.  Sure everyone says: "If you need anything, just let me know.  I'm here for you, blah blah blah...", but they are never being real.  I hate to say it, but the majority of the time that people say that kind of thing to me they don't mean it.  I can guarantee out of the oh...25-40 people who have said that to me over the past year, only 2-5 of them meant it from what I can see (i.e. they've taken me to the hospital when I was in pain, picked up my prescriptions when I couldn't, came to the hospital to see me or even just call to check on me).  That's sad.  At a time in most people's lives when they need someone to truly be there for them outside of family members, very few people actually are.  So, at this point I'm making it clear to myself who I can and cannot depend on.  If I make it clear to myself, it will be clearer for them.  It really is an ordeal to go through this, but I KNOW someone else has it much harder.  It's just difficult to do it with only my sweetie there for me emotionally, since he's in Detroit and can't be here for everything.  

There are some people who I call "family" for some reason or another who never really will be...at least not emotionally.  The majority of the people who have been there for me through this whole thing has been Rob's friends/family who have become our mutual friends/family.  They have done SO much for me without me ever asking them to.  True, I may have known some of them for a short amount of time, from just being around campus, or through someone else we have in common, but I got to know them on a COMPLETELY different level when he and I got involved.  They are the few that I can depend on for damn near anything.  I love them so much for that.  A few of them are even helping with the engagement party, which is more than I could EVER ask for because it is a ton of work trying to put this together and not let it be a hot ghetto mess.

I really am contemplating transferring to University of Houston at the end of this year; I got my acceptance letter for there yesterday.  My sorors there are absolutely wonderful!  They have been there for me SUPER long distance!  That's family.   There is way too much BS going on here, I'm just tired of it.  I've had it with the fake shit: fake smiles, fake associates, fake everything...f*ck it.  I work TOO damn hard and I've been through TOO damn much for me to continue dealing with it.  I know when I am not wanted and I also know when I shouldn't be putting myself through bull crap daily.  Rob and I have been talking and we both feel like it would be a positive change for both of us.  For me, the weather and getting away from the BS at Central and for him, getting away from his mother.  The only thing is that I want to bring his grandmother with us.  I want to become close with and get to know her well before she's gone.  Plus, he's the only person who really takes care of her and she deserves SO much more than that.  

I have been and always will be an exceptionally independent person.  I don't like asking other people for things because they rarely come through for you.  I don't mind giving of myself at all if it's for a beneficial purpose, but I cannot stand it when people ask for help and have never even attempted to help you or be there for you in any way, shape, or form.  It's always good to know who is sincere and who is not...I'd rather know my potential problems ahead of time.

Mama Always Said: Treat It Like a Business

So, I've had THE most hectic week ever.  So much work, both with school and my actual jobs.  Rob and I got the BS figured out, simple miscommunication.  Meh, it's a done deal now. 

I was asked to assist with a project, which normally I would say a vehement 'no' to because of the amount of things that require my immediate attention that are actually essential to my own life, but I went ahead and helped out with it to the best of my ability with little to no guidelines as to what was needed.  The person who originally asked me to help decided that I was crossing some line by helping in the way that I understood was necessary and sent a rather scathing email.  So, knowing MY temper I got pissed off, but then I remembered the type of person I was dealing with and let it go.  I sent an email in response, simply citing the confusion as a miscommunication and called it a day, I have better uses for my time and efforts than to continue conversation on a pointless topic with someone who sees no value in others' feedback/opinions.   

It's amazing the type of garbage that as humans we put each other through on a day to day basis. Some ways of communicating or even just the tone of the communication can cause some serious problems, especially when the relationship with the person is one of professional tolerance.  True, it takes very little to make me angry(I know, I know...I'm working on it.), but some things are just unnecessary and are extremely detrimental to a business relationship.  I am constantly working on developing myself as a human being, but at the same time it is SO difficult to deal with those who do not understand business etiquette or how to communicate in the least confrontational way in order to keep the peace.  I resolved in my mind to essentially keep my thoughts and feedback to myself, as those who I work with in this environment with are not very prone to listening to opposing viewpoints.  My previous problems within the same environment have been resolved (Thank God!) for my own peace of mind, now I'm dealing with the same attitude from a different source.  In other words, same old shit, just a different day.