Disclaimer: I get a bit irritated as this post goes on, and there are some rather *ahem* un-ladylike statements. Well since according to some, my post on Why Black Love is Dying only served to blame black men for the downfall of the culture (yadda yadda yadda). I straight laughed at this at first then I started to think of it that yeah it was a bit one sided. Could that possibly be because I'M A BLACK WOMAN? Hmmm...let's think about that for a sec.
Anyway, I decided to ask the closest black men in my life and their opinions were pretty much unanimous. I got them all in one of the rooms on campus, had them read the post and let them unleash the fury. To put it nicely, they said that black women are the point behind the problem because we are deciding to procreate with idiotic "hood niggas" and create idiotic "hood children" who will do nothing more than perpetrate the already dying state of our culture (writer's note-WHAT KIND OF SH*T?!?! ). They went on to say that I was insinuating more importance in this than there needs to be (see earlier writer's note). They also went on to state that there is no such thing as "black love" and that if there is love between a few people that is their thing, but there cannot be an inherent love within a culture. Ugh...
Well, I'm done letting them go on about this mess. I'm going to speak my mind. These are the weakest responses I have ever heard. These men in my life are special to me (and you know I love you all otherwise I wouldn't have asked you to speak on it), but these are the weakest damn responses I have EVER heard. It was a bitch statement, end of story. I think these types of statements are made by black men who are seemingly unsure of themselves and who they are. The biggest thing in my mind is that we as a culture need to find out who/what we once were and keep that in mind when we go about our business. I figure if we do these things, it will be impossible for cultural love to die. If it takes a village to raise a child, how many does it take to raise that village?
As I was writing this, one of my favorite people called. He asked why I was so worked up and what was going on. I pretty much unloaded on him and told him everything. To be honest, he said that those statements made by my other male friends were made by men who are scared of black women. He went on to say that these are black men with no love for their own people and that is the weakest thing you could possibly be. It made me smile since when I took on this endeavor, I was slowly but surely losing faith in my people. (Thanks, honey. I needed that *hugs*)
I'll be real with you, yes black women have our faults just like everyone else does. I cannot speak for all of us, but I will speak for myself and the female friends of mine that expressed interest in this topic and had a roundtable with me in my basement.
1.) Yes, some of us can be materialistic. Most people these days are; we like nice things. Anyway, those who are offer no excuses and no apologies. They don't feel it is necessary since everyone likes to live in the way they are most comfortable.
2.) Yes, we can be loud and angry. We are passionate women. When we are excited/upset about something we show it.
3.) Yes, we can be stuck-up. I know for a fact that I am. While not necessarily proud of the fact, it is a way of being selective of who I deal with on a regular basis so it will not change any time soon. If I feel as if your presence is going to bring me down, I will not deal with you.
4.) We do speak badly of some black men. YES, I will repeat this. We do speak badly of SOME black men. If you show us something different, then don't worry about it because we're not talking about you.
5.) Black women can be cold and calculating. Damn right we can be. We can smell weakness from a mile away. It's not attractive to us. Before you say anything-weakness does not imply anything about financial status or anything of that sort. We can be cruel and cold, but have you ever seen a black woman with her family? How are we with our children? Yeah...that's what I thought.
6.)The funniest thing about all this is that if we take out a few adjectives, these things can be said about any type of woman. So either stop dating women or get the hell over it.
In a nutshell, black women cannot be placed in a class or category. Not all of us are strong, intelligent, or opinionated. Some of us are quite weak, angry, and close-minded. We know this. How would that make us any different from any other group of people? One thing about us is that we are unapologetic. Why would we apologize for being who we are? If we are who we are, we are so obviously so that it is cause for alarm in some. One thing that must change is that the generalizations have to go. We can't keep doing this to ourselves. We are constantly putting ourselves in a box and that box is growing smaller and smaller as time goes by.
By the way: even if someone is multicultural/bi-racial/whatever you choose to be called-you are who you identify as. If you identify with none, then cool do that. No one is asking for you to be one thing or another. If they are then tell them to f*ck off. To be honest, no one cares that much about what someone else thinks or is unless they are trying to make them change these things.
