Twisted Visage

Likes and Dislikes

2009-11-13T09:31:00.003-05:00

Likes

My beautiful baby girl
Fall weather
Being in love
My large family
The strength and independence that women are developing nowadays
Spirituality instead of religion
Falling asleep in front of the TV

Dislikes

Trashy behavior
Struggling to lose pregnancy weight
Naïveté
Bare feet on a cold kitchen floor
Colic
Chit'lins
Ignorant people who don't attempt to better themselves

Our Brand New Arrival

2009-09-25T01:23:00.005-05:00

Early Monday morning, I was feeling incredibly dizzy and getting progressively sicker and sicker. I finally got up and went to the ER. They took my blood pressure and it was dangerously high, besides the fact that our little girl was not moving. We freaked out. I was admitted to the hospital that night and I didn't sleep a wink. We had a visit from my OB around noon and he told me that they would be taking Isabel by emergency cesarean at 5 PM. I was speechless/horrified/petrified. We called the family members that could be there and decided to notify the rest when I was able to handle it.

After I freaked out and slept for a while, it was time. They wheeled me back and administered the epidural. Anyone who knows me knows I don't react well to any kind of anesthesia. They had to completely knock me out because I could feel every slice into me otherwise. It was horrible.

So after all of this, we have our beautiful baby girl. Isabel was born on Monday at 6:28 PM at 2 lbs. 10 ounces with no health problems. She will be in NICU for a long time to gain weight and get completely stable. We are praying for her to come home soon.

10 Things to 10 People

2009-08-15T23:12:00.003-05:00

This week has been one of the most trying of my entire life. We are scraping and keeping it together, but it's difficult! Anyway, I got this writing prompt idea from MamaKat and it may help me to get some of this frustration out.

The point of this is to get some things off my chest that I really don't feel like stirring up mess by actually saying anything. Don't assume that this is about you or you know who it is about, simply because you'll probably be wrong. :)

1.) What happened? It seems as if the people that have made a promise to me since birth/early childhood have abandoned me. If you were going to do that, you should have done it earlier on. It's causing me more problems now because I don't know how to cope with it as an adult.

2.) I love you, but you have been getting on my nerves lately. I am grown, have my own life, my own household, and a child on the way. Are you seriously still trying to scold me? Nothing I do is affecting you in any way, shape, or form so please just back off a bit.

3.) Why are you even still in my life? You serve no purpose other than being a weight around my neck. Go away.

4.) Thank you! You are amazing and have done everything right and I appreciate you.

5.) What is your malfunction? The passive-aggressive crap has got to go. We are relatives, but I'm sick of your bull. If you aren't going to come to family events or act like any of us know each other, keep my parents' names, siblings' names, and my name out of your mouth!

6.) You were a fantastic friend at one point. You are now a self-centered prick. Go away until you get some sense and realize who has been there for you through all your difficulties.

7.) I love you and will always be there for you, but GET OUT OF YOUR TOXIC SITUATION! That relationship is not good for you or your son. Please stop blocking us out and take us up on our offer to help you.

8.) How difficult is it for you to put on a condom? A bunch of kids by a bunch of different women and you're not even 25 yet? Funny how not a single one of these women has a lick of sense. Birds that flock together, I guess...

9.) Back up. You don't know me and have no idea who I am. My advice to you is to just back up and shut your mouth before something bad happens to you.

10.) Why is my life so interesting to you? Yours isn't interesting at all to me. You hadn't even crossed my mind in months until someone said you were asking a bunch of questions about me and mine. Go be a self-obsessed douche somewhere else.

Are You F-ing Serious?!?

2009-07-30T12:29:00.008-05:00

Disclaimer: I know I've been on a rant since I've been back, but I need to vent. Please forgive me. :)

There have been several times that I have ridden past the Planned Parenthood office since I've been home visiting Kalamazoo. Every time I've ridden past, the anti-choice protesters were out (I call them anti-choice because calling them pro-life seems to validate their way of thought). The other day I actually witnessed them accosting a young woman who was walking into the office. How can you physically accost and harass a young woman who is having to make an extremely difficult and personal decision and call yourself a man or woman of God? How is that divine or holy?

It is unbelievable that these women have to walk a gauntlet of about 60 people just to get into the office. The whole walk to the door, people are stepping out of line to get in front of the woman and attempt to physically bar her entry. They are shouting Bible verses, calling her a murderer/slut/whore, and other equally distressing things. They then show the women extremely distressing photos of fetuses as well as lie about how an abortion is conducted. One man said something along the lines of the doctors yank the baby out and cut the back of its neck open and basically behead the child. How is this Christ-like?!? How is it like Christ or even close to any of His teachings that you are to harass, accost, horrify, and cause pain to another human being? A few of the protesters even compared the Plan B pill to partial birth abortion. Seriously? READ A FREAKING BOOK! Those things are completely different.

I get so angry about this because the anti-choice protesters seem to not get that a child is a person and requires care for the rest of their lives. They seem to stop caring about what happens to the child once it is born. They don't care that the child cannot be well taken care of, is abused/mistreated, is molested, or even murdered later in life. According to them, it's in God's hands from there. You can't really be serious.

I don't think it's anyone else's business why a young lady or a couple decide to terminate a pregnancy. How do they know that the woman hasn't been raped or a victim of incest? How would they feel about having to raise the product of an assault? If the couple cannot financially take care of a child, will the protesters pay for all the expenses and actual care of the child? Yes, I know adoption is an option, but delivery of a child alone is upwards of 30 grand, not to mention actual prenatal care. Do you have that just lying around your house? I know I don't.

It just makes me so angry that these people call themselves ministers of God and take advantage of and assault women who are going through an painfully difficult decision. It is none of their business that a woman decided to terminate a pregnancy. They need to really just shut up and stop trying to regulate someone else's body based on THEIR religious beliefs. Newsflash guys: NOT EVERYONE IS A CHRISTIAN! Free speech is one thing, assault is another.

My point is: If you want to minister to these women, then go ahead and do so but not there. When you are physically and emotionally assaulting them, that is something completely different. You are the people giving Christianity a bad name.

EverySaturdayMorning-this blog is run by a person who is a Planned Parenthood escort. It is unfortunate that patients need to be protected from these protesters. It is sad that escorts are even necessary. Within that link, you will see the gauntlet I described as well as videos that show these protesters verbally and physically attacking these women and the escorts. It's disgusting!

F&*%ing Ridiculous!

2009-07-07T10:35:00.004-05:00

So, I'm not sure if it's just my hormones, but people are getting on my damn NERVES this week. No one does what they are asked to when I ask them and then when they want someone to do something, here they come to me. Well bump that. Unless you are Honey, family, or a select few of my friends...DON'T ASK ME FOR S%#T. So for this week (which is sad since it's only freakin' Tuesday), these are the things that have irritated the hell out of me:

1. Passive aggressive notes-No..not the website. Ones that are either attached to my window or my car. WTF? How difficult would it be to knock on the door or come get me since I was sitting outside about 6 feet from the damn car.

2. Ungrateful people-If you aren't going to appreciate what I did, then don't ask me for a damn thing ever again. I work hard and I deserve some peace of mind and a break. Don't come to me when I am having said break and ask me to do shit for you.

3. People that don't know what the hell the word BEDREST means-I was put on complete bedrest by the best OB in the region. Are you seriously asking me to put my child's life in jeopardy to do some household crap for you? B*TCH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? Your ass will NEVER be as important as this baby so f*ck off.

4. Belly-touchers- I don't know you, get the hell out of my personal space. I'm showing, but not THAT much that I've lost the feeling in my stomach area. Also, she's not even big enough for you to feel on the outside! I'm not a touchy-feely person, ask my significant other or my family members. If I don't know your ass, DON'T TOUCH ME!

5. People that tell me to smile or ask why I'm not talking about the baby 24/7- Seriously? Are you seriously telling me how to feel about my pregnancy? You are on some serious drugs if you honestly think that I give a flying F$%K whether you want to see my happy face. Go fall down some stairs and break a limb...I'll probably smile then.

6. People that try to talk politics just because I have an Obama magnet on my car- Don't come up to me in a parking lot and expect me to debate politics with your dumb ass. I'm more likely to cut you because I think you're going to try to assault me. I'm sorry but, he's our president...he won...GET OVER IT ALREADY! Don't come up to me trying to bad-mouth him when I'm clearly a supporter.

And I Stand Here Amazed...

2009-06-28T01:37:00.003-05:00

I know it's been a while, but I've been working on some things and got side tracked. I have still been working on my Master's degree and that's been going very well. Josh and I have a new addition on the way and we are ECSTATIC! After the loss last year, I was ready to go for it again. I am currently 21 weeks along and feeling amazing. We moved up and got a larger home which is a 4 bedroom and quite nice.

I am in such a state of elation about this baby...there isn't a way to compare it to anything else I've ever experienced. It's a beautiful thing to realize that you created another human being out of pure love and that this human being will have thoughts, tenacity, and personality all their own. The excitement is quite overwhelming.

Our families are incredibly excited, although obviously concerned. They are all praying for the best for our little family. It's incredible that one's life can change so much in a few short months.

Dear Life

2009-02-06T02:18:00.004-05:00

There have been so many changes to my life in the past 2 weeks...it's simply unbelievable. I stayed true to my word and began 2009 with a BANG! I'm off to a great start :)

I have moved out of Michigan, I'm now in Indiana.

Renting a 2 bedroom home.

Classes are going incredibly well.

I'm in an amazing and healthy relationship.

Started my dredlocs

Started my own YouTube channel (vids are to the right)

I've been cooking SO much. It's been crazy.

This is the first time in my life that I've actually enjoyed every single day. My pets are great, that's my puppy, Vashti at the top. She's adjusted very well. I'm just enjoying the whole picking up and moving to a whole new state. It's an amazing feeling of freedom that's hard to explain...knowing that I'm completely independent. Life is GREAT.

Fired Up Friday!

2009-01-30T21:10:00.004-05:00

LET'S GO STEELERS!!!!

and not just because I want to make little brown babies with Troy Polamalu :D

R.I.P.

2008-12-26T15:06:00.002-05:00

We have lost so many people this year...so many people that you would never have even though weren't well. The latest in this line of people is Eartha Kitt. This woman was one of the most beautiful and influential actresses in Hollywood for the past 60 years. She had one of the most easily recognized voices in the world.

From Associated Press:

NEW YORK (AP) — Eartha Kitt, a sultry singer, dancer and actress who rose from South Carolina cotton fields to become an international symbol of elegance and sensuality, has died, a family spokesman said. She was 81.

Andrew Freedman said Kitt, who was recently treated at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, died Thursday in Connecticut of colon cancer.

Kitt, a self-proclaimed "sex kitten" famous for her catlike purr, was one of America's most versatile performers, winning two Emmys and nabbing a third nomination. She also was nominated for several Tonys and two Grammys.

Her career spanned six decades, from her start as a dancer with the famed Katherine Dunham troupe to cabarets and acting and singing on stage, in movies and on television. She persevered through an unhappy childhood as a mixed-race daughter of the South and made headlines in the 1960s for denouncing the Vietnam War during a visit to the White House.

Through the years, Kitt remained a picture of vitality and attracted fans less than half her age even as she neared 80.

Eartha Kitt was and always will be one of my favorite actresses. A couple clips of my favorite roles of hers are below. Enjoy:

Ooh Love

2008-12-12T00:02:00.003-05:00

His hand over mine across a table
Staying up all night just waiting for him to come home
The thrill I get deep inside when he comes through the door after work
His palms on my stomach as we lie together
This is love

Him being unafraid to tell me he needs me
The way I tingle when he calls me his wife
Beginning our family together
Both of us lying in bed just talking and laughing
Knowing he will be there through thick and thin
“Till the wheels fall off, baby”
Yes, honey...till the wheels fall off
That is love

For the first time in life…
I mean as much to someone as they mean to me
I have a true understanding
I know I am loved
I am someone’s heart and soul; and they are mine
"Girl, I love you from the longest hair on your head to your pointy little toe"
I giggled

For the first time in life…
I have real love

Why Nappy?

2008-11-08T19:05:00.005-05:00

I was at a friend's house when his younger sister asked me why I went natural. I have never had anyone ask me why before, because I figured they knew once they had a few conversations with me. Anyway, the short version of what I said was: "I don't feel that need to hold my hair to the standards of European beauty. My hair is kinky, coily, nappy, and absolutely gorgeous." She somehow found this offensive, replying with: "I hate that word, nappy. No one's hair is nappy." I responded that, "MY hair is nappy and I take pride in it because I do not fear my heritage like some black women". She got pissed off and threw her plate down and walked out.

I have since earned the moniker of, That Militant Bitch that *insert friend's name* Hangs Out With. YES! *smirk*

After this exchange, I kind of sat back and was thinking back to when I first decided to go natural. During the beginning of my freshman year of college, I played with the idea of going natural for a while. I did my research and read books about black hair textures while still relaxing just the front of my hair because I loved my swoopy bang thing. Finally, I made the decision that I was going to do it. I actually was going to stop relaxing my hair and let it grow naturally!

I transitioned for a year with various updos, braids, and twists in order to allow my hair to grow a fully natural 4 inches. Conveniently, around the time my hair reached this length was when a noose was found on my campus and we had a TON of pride rallies. Shortly before the first rally/meeting, I finally decided to cut the relaxed ends off and allow my fro to fly. When I finished doing my hair and was walking out the door, I had never felt more free and happy. I had never felt more BEAUTIFUL.

I was going through some struggles with my identity for a while there and my decision to go natural really reinforced who I am and where I come from. From then on, I've been on a journey to know my roots. I refuse to allow myself to be one of those people who doesn't care to know their background. I put the money together to get my DNA tested in order to find out what area of Africa my family comes from. The results came back that the majority of my DNA is based in West Africa and Central America (obviously). Apparently, my father's side is from Ghana which makes me unspeakably happy because the tattoo I was drawing used a lot of their symbols.

My hair is a big source of pride for me because it represents my development and cultivation of self. It was the first step of my journey to knowing myself and being able to become the woman I am supposed to be. I have never put as much work into anything as I do my hair on a weekly basis and that is pretty interesting to me. Overall, I'm nappy because it makes me happy, baby!

History...

2008-11-04T23:08:00.005-05:00

I am amazed that this happened in my lifetime. We have a BLACK PRESIDENT! I am in tears as I type this, I've never been so proud to be a black woman in my entire life. I've never been so proud to be an AMERICAN! I cannot believe that we have come this far as a country, as a people. I really don't think I've cried this hard in years. I'm so proud of my generation! IT WAS US, GUYS...THEY COULD NOT TAKE OUR VOICE.

Seriously?!?

2008-11-04T18:49:00.006-05:00

Is this actually happening? Are we really this close? I've never prayed as hard or as passionately as I have in the past few days. ARE WE REALLY MAKING PROGRESS AS A PEOPLE? I'm shocked. We're living in the days of Soulja Boy, the death of hip hop, and deadbeat dads and yet we are STILL only an inch away from putting a man of color into the White House.

As the time is winding down and polls are closing, I find myself freaking the eff out. What if the Repubs try to steal this election from us? What will happen? I was watching CNN and their reporters were already saying that there were issues with the machines being used in the "Rock the Vote" events. Excuse me for being paranoid, but they know that the majority of Barack Obama's votes will come from youth...so call that a malfunction if you want to, but we know the truth. They want to stop it from happening, they want to prevent our progress. We WILL NOT let them steal our voices again. McCain will not win this election!**

Honestly, I'm so incredibly frightened that Obama won't win and that the Repubs will find a way to squeak by using their shenanigans, which we ALL know they are extremely good at. I don't think it's a problem given the amount of people who voted for Obama today; it's more of a problem of history potentially repeating itself. We won't be letting them get away with it if they do. Let's just hope the country will be okay after tonight...let's just hope.

**because quite honestly, the thought of Sarah Palin anywhere near the White House scares the ever-loving shit out of me

Simply...Scared

2008-10-15T15:49:00.003-05:00

There are so many changes happening right now that I can't even put them all into words to put them down. Guys...I'm deeply scared of things that will happen, but I know I can never go back to where I was at any point in my life. I think this is what frightens me the most. As scared as I am, I'm excited at the same time. It's exciting to know that I'll never be the person I was at any point in my past again. It makes me happy to know that the woman I am now is of constant change and development. So much goes into making you who you are, every hardship and triumph is a stepping stone of equal value. The main thing that has been giving me peace is the thought of the woman I will be in the end...well...that and my favorite poem by Nikki Giovanni.

Ego Tripping (there may be a reason why)

I was born in the Congo.
I walked to the Fertile Crescent and built the sphinx.
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light.

I am bad.

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with Allah.
I got hot and sent an ice age to Europe
to cool my thirst.
My oldest daughter is Nefertiti.
The tears from my birth pains
created the Nile.

I am a beautiful woman.

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the Sahara desert.
With a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes,
I crossed it in two hours.
I am a gazelle so swift,
so swift you can't catch me.

For a birthday present when he was three,
I gave my son Hannibal an elephant.
He gave me Rome for mother's day.

My strength flows ever on.

My son Noah built an ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day.
I turned myself into myself and was Jesus.

Men intone my loving name.
All praises all praises,
I am the one who would save.

I sowed diamonds in my back yard.
My bowels deliver uranium.
The filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels.

On a trip north,
I caught a cold and blew
my nose giving oil to the Arab world.
I am so hip even my errors are correct.
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went.
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents.

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal.
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission.
I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky...

He Calls Me Beautiful

2008-09-24T03:03:00.010-05:00

They say a good man will always call you beautiful, not sexy. I've got someone who calls me beautiful and knows that I am hotter than masala curry and sweeter than honey straight from the hive. He revels in my flaws and reinforces my perfections. He wants to be my support when I am leaning like a shack in a hurricane, even when I refuse it. We didn't have the most auspicious of beginnings, but DAMN we've grown. I'm still surprised because he isn't what I expected and I don't think I'm what he did either.
Now, I know what a truly SIGNIFICANT other is. I love you.

I'd given up on love
But I gave up on the chance
That I'd ever fall
Head over heels (...)
There's somebody
Somebody who feels like me
There's Somebody
Somebody who loves like me
---Amerie "Just Like Me"

Questions of the Week

2008-09-20T16:26:00.003-05:00

1.) Why do so many of us fear being alone?

2.) Why do we sexualize certain body parts in American culture, when this isn't the intended purpose?

3.) Why are so many of us convinced that we have something wrong with us?

4.) When are blousy, maternity-esque clothes going to go out of style?

5.) When will people figure out that jeans are supposed to fit you, not be sagging off your ass or cut so tight you have to lay down to close them?

Back to Black

2008-09-14T01:34:00.007-05:00

After all that's happened within the past month or so, it's time that I get my health back on track again. My mental and physical health needs to be my focus right now, more than anything. Since this is my last semester of undergrad, I DEFINITELY need to get myself in order and taken care of before grad starts and things get REALLY stressful.

My mom and I had a bit of a difficult/complicated conversation about my health. It was time that we both be realistic about my health and what the possible outcomes for my life may be. She put it quite frankly, "It doesn't make sense for you to work your ass off for that GPA and you might not live long enough to put that doctorate to use!" That really put things in perspective for me, especially since it was coming from my mom and she is the most optimistic woman you could ever hope to meet.

At this point, I need to get my health and attitude back to the way it was a while ago. I was healthy, happy, and had enough confidence for 3 of me. I really miss that about myself and miss being that woman. So I will be working my ass off this semester as usual, but with more of a focus on my health and wellness than I have ever put there before. I finally have the life that I wanted for so long, simply being happy where I am and not looking for more. That other piece will either find me or make itself clearly known.

Starting over has never felt so good...

Statement

2008-09-08T10:27:00.004-05:00

Always feeling as if I'm searching for something
Someone
To fill a space
Vast change cause realization
Internalization

How to fill the void?
I discovered
In me as well

Standing alone
Head held high
Knowing that the things that happen to me do not define who I am

Maintaining my strength
Remembering the women I come from
Remembering who I am

I stand to make the statement
Whole within myself...
Void no longer existing
Standing alone again

Finally Whole.

Sometimes there’s gonna be days like this
Sometimes it’s gonna be rain like this
Sometimes you gonna feel pain like this
Sometimes you gotta work hard for it
--Amerie's Gotta Work

On Losing...

2008-09-06T03:20:00.007-05:00

I went through something that was extremely difficult to deal with and very painful...both emotionally and physically. This event was enough to jar loose my ideas and the way I thought my life was previously. It was also something that most people, myself included cannot go through alone. I am writing this post in both an effort to get my thoughts/emotions together and an attempt to deal with the way everything has happened.

When something of this magnitude occurs, it is difficult to handle on your own. One of the most important things to do is to come to terms with the fact that it may be difficult and painful for the other people involved, but we all deal with our pain separately. With what happened, I don't think I can handle it alone, but thanks to a reality check from someone else's drunk "friend" at 4 this morning; I realized that I have to. No one else experiences the pain from what I just went through like the woman involved does. Regardless of how weak I feel and how hurt I am, I realized that the people I can depend on have already presented themselves and I don't really have to worry about whether their support will waver.

Have you ever experienced something that afterward left you too weak and hurt to cry? I would love nothing more than to finally cry and release my pain and anguish, but I just can't get the tears to come. I want to cry for the loneliness and broken spirit that I feel, but I just can't. You all know I pride myself on being a strong black woman, but this here...I just can't. I feel as if I'm going through this completely alone because it's rare that someone else understands or can relate to something of this magnitude. I just want to step away from the armor and fortress that I've built up and break down for a while, just to get it out and feel the release of emotion.

As hard as this subject is to write about, I can't really put into words what I experienced until later. I promise you all will know as soon as I can properly form it into coherent thought and sentence structure. Some of you who read regularly already know what happened or can figure it out by the clues, others may have no idea. The point is that, something extremely painful occurred and I'm having a truly hard time dealing with it. Regardless of what we think and what we hope, everything we truly experience while becoming adults is experienced on our own. No one can hold or contain your emotions besides yourself. Although I say this, it's very hard not to feel abandoned.

As a woman, I can honestly say nothing is more painful than this.

Playing House?

2008-08-31T21:34:00.003-05:00

I was sitting back and chatting with my girls the other day and as usual, the subject of dating came up. We're all in some sort of relationship(s) with some guy(s) and that's great, but it gives us more stuff to complain about. The biggest problem we were all talking about is that the respective guy was treating it like a jump-off situation when he and my friend had been together for the better part of 2 years. This didn't really make sense to me until I really thought about it. It's the idea of these men not feeling the same way the female in the relationship does.

We sat around and brainstormed for a while until we all came up with the same idea. In each situation, my friend was essentially playing house with the guy. By playing house, I mean: cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids that aren't theirs, etc. To put it simply, these women are essentially playing wife and expecting these men to play husband. Ladies, be honest: WE REALLY NEED TO STOP SETTING OURSELVES UP!

Now, I don't mean stop cooking for your man on special occasions or to stop keeping things together like a grown woman does. I mean, don't do more for him than he's willing to do for you. Relationships are fair trade situations...well...they should be. A woman should always have enough respect for herself to believe and know that she deserves the very best. If the man you're with does not think you deserve the best, you don't need him at all.

As women, we need to stop asking more of these men that don't want the same things we do. It's not hard to figure out whether they are really into us the same way we are into them. It's difficult to find quality men (especially in Michigan), but I think if we wait a bit and figure out exactly what we're looking for, good guys will make themselves known. So, stop trying to play wife if he's not trying to play the husband role and it should make life easier. Most men just aren't ready for that.

Guess Who's Bizzack!

2008-08-31T18:53:00.003-05:00

Hey Folk! Sorry, I've been M.I.A. as of late...SO MUCH has happened in the past few weeks, it's not even funny. So I'll go ahead and list them off and keep it short.

1.) Moved out of the parents' place and into my own- Enjoying having my own space and not having to wear clothes very often.

2.) Started working for Gryphon Place as a Suicide Prevention Specialist/Educator- I LOVE this job!

3.) New people in my life-Only 2, but they are a VERY important 2 people.

4.) New puppy-haven't named her just yet. She's a Jack Russell Terrier and very spoiled.

5.) Only taking 2 classes this semester-Money is short and so is time.

6.) Illness-The past few weeks have been HELL for me. I'm still battling a very bad sinus infection (103.4 fever yesterday!), bronchitis, and an ear infection that caused me to fall out of the shower.

This past month has been such a mix of great, good, and bad that it's crazy. I think this is what makes you really feel like an adult. When everything goes to pot and you have to handle it and take care of business on your own. I think I love this!

Saying Goodbye

2008-07-31T07:34:00.007-05:00

We've all heard that saying: "People are only in your life for a season", but I never took it seriously until now. I realized the other day that there are some people that I've known for years and are excruciatingly close to that need to get the hell out of my life. I'm not necessarily sad about it. These 2 people have been a drain on my life for the past couple of years and I honestly can't take it anymore. Although I once thought these two would always be a part of my life, I just can't do it anymore. All these people have done is cause emotional harm and pain over the recent years, and I'm damned tired of it.

It hurts that I have to do this because these 2 are just about some of my closest friends, but they are causing issues and not allowing me to be who I need to be. I'm too good for that shit. I try to surround myself with people who will be strong and inspire me when I'm feeling weak and will give back as much as they take from me. Just because these people have been a part of my life for so long, I forgot that they don't give a damn thing back. Times have changed and the type of people I need in my life has changed as well. I need to surround myself with those who are as strong, driven, and focused as I am so I can stay that way.

I think we all have at least one person in our lives who serves no beneficial purpose, but we allow them to continue doing that harm because we have grown too attached to them or are potentially in love with them. To be honest, love can go away after a while if you let it. Yes, it hurts, but it's generally for the best. The thing we all need to remember is that NO ONE will love you more than you love yourself. No one can ever really do for you or give you what you need if you don't already possess that quality.

I have a lot of love for them, but I have more love for myself. I will always care for them in some way, but never in the way I did in the past. To be honest, I'm too strong and too smart to allow someone in my life that will detract from me. People can always be replaced. As I've said before, it's time to let people know when they need to kick rocks. Well guys, it's your time.

Introspective

2008-07-19T22:03:00.003-05:00

Today was my favorite cousin's wedding to a wonderful, lovely woman and it gave me time to sit back and think for a while about my future and what I want. For the first time in my life, I'm able to get a handle on what I want. You all don't know how amazing that is to me. I've always had a loose idea of what I want after undergrad, but never very specific. For the first time, I can actually look back on everything that's happened in my life and see exactly how these things have caused me to develop into who I am. All these people that I sat around and spent time with today have all had some impact on me and I'm thankful for that. Even if we get tired of them, always keep family in the forefront of your mind. All of us have at least one family member or friend who is like family that we know we could lean on if all hell broke loose.

As I sat back and watched my parents dance to old school jams, I realized just how rare real love is. They both have had a couple of marriages and learned from past mistakes, all these things led to them finding each other in the end. It's absolutely beautiful. My mother didn't realize until later in life that she needed to plan ahead and know what she wanted before she found it or was ready for it. The one thing my mother always said is that "You will never find a wholeness or quality if you are not a whole, quality woman. Always know what you want in life, it makes things much easier." Her advice, along with my grandmother always saying: "It's much easier to know where you're going when you have a roadmap." have had an effect on me as of late...I finally know what they meant.

You Know I Stan For Her

2008-07-18T10:39:00.005-05:00

Ok guys, you know there are some artists out here that I openly stan for. These are people that have never done a song/video I didn't like and seem to be genuinely nice when approached by fans. I openly stan for Lil Mama. She is adorable and flows better than half these grown arse men out here with record deals. It's rare that young hip hop artists can actually freestyle. My girl has it on lock.

After watching this a few times, I can honestly say I think she was fighting the urge to grab her peen to illustrate how fly she is. Watch her hands... *giggling like a 3rd grader* I'm also enjoying the fact she pushed that annoying-arse host out of the way when he was bouncing around a bit too much.

She's Back, Bitches!!!!

2008-07-16T09:33:00.003-05:00

If you know me at all, you know that Grace Jones is one of my heroes. This woman is absolutely nuts, but she is timeless. If you don't know who I'm talking about, go watch Boomerang and then come back. If you don't have time, just watch the clip below from the movie. I'm telling you...she's nuts.

As I was saying, she has RETURNED! Grace Jones just put out the absolute WEIRDEST friggin' video I have ever seen, but I love it just because she made it. You know I'll be bumping this in the Cougar and flying down South Westnedge. Watch!

HAPPY DANCE TIME!!!!!

2008-07-15T19:58:00.004-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen...I found it! Ok, so I decided to hold off on getting the house for another year. I want to be able to pay most of it off and decided to take a year or so to do it. Anyway, I found a great apartment within walking distance to my parents' place (it's a long walk, but a walk nonetheless), so Bryce can spend the night and still get to school on time. The pet fee is only an extra 20 a month, no pet deposit. It's a great apartment. The neighbors are all really nice and the house next door always has huge ass parties during the school year. My apartment is the first 2 windows from right on the top. The thing that made me fall in love with this place is the bathroom. It's amazing. THE BATHROOM HAS STAIRS AND A BIG ASS SHOWER!!!! It's kind of awesome. So now, all I'm doing is trying to scare up some interesting furniture to make it my own.

So far, I haven't told the parents that I'm moving out in a few weeks. I'm not sure how they'll react for the most part. Since my mom rarely reads my blog unless I physically bring her the laptop, I don't really have to worry about it. I told Bryce though...I don't think he has a problem with it. He got a bit quiet, but I told him how close I'll be to the house and he seemed fine with it. I'm worried about the parents' reaction...but what can they really say? I've already paid the first month's rent.

House Shopping

2008-06-30T13:58:00.004-05:00

So as of today, I've begun the house/townhouse hunt. I've got a few options at this point, with my first choice being Timberwood Crossing by our mall. They are a completely pet-friendly place and this is probably where I'd need to be. The other place I was looking at was Carriage Green, which aren't as nice but are in my favorite part of town (across the street from Coldstone Creamery :D). The only issue with Carriage Green is that they are apartments and have a 2 cat limit. Well, I have 3 so that will not work. Anyway, the big challenge right now is finding somewhere for a decent price, good pet policy, and with the amenities I need (washer,dryer).

I would much rather buy a starter home at this point, while the market is still low, but I need to have a bit more impressive credit history to pull that off at 21. In my mind, when I see the right place I'll know it. For now...I'm off.

Essence

2008-06-29T23:06:00.004-05:00

Lying down, bodies entwined in his sheets
Writhing and slick with sweat
His hands running through my hair and tracing the outline of my lips
Him whispering and touching his favorite places on my body
My fingertips making a trail across his back
Feeling every muscle in his body twitch, knowing both his strength and the gentleness of his caress
Enjoying his scent and the feel of his skin pressed against mine
Giggling at some raunchy joke he just made and wondering if he could be any better at this
After the touching and teasing, our bodies unite
Causing an explosion in me that rivals Hiroshima
For some, it is afterglow...for me,nuclear fallout
Shivers running down my spine, unable to control my muscle spasms
Satisfied and feeling warmth that can only come from passion
Us...lying in his demolished bed...breathing in each others essence

Equal Opportunity-Black Love (Cont.)

2008-06-29T17:51:00.006-05:00

Disclaimer: I get a bit irritated as this post goes on, and there are some rather *ahem* un-ladylike statements.

Well since according to some, my post on Why Black Love is Dying only served to blame black men for the downfall of the culture (yadda yadda yadda). I straight laughed at this at first then I started to think of it that yeah it was a bit one sided. Could that possibly be because I'M A BLACK WOMAN? Hmmm...let's think about that for a sec.

Anyway, I decided to ask the closest black men in my life and their opinions were pretty much unanimous. I got them all in one of the rooms on campus, had them read the post and let them unleash the fury. To put it nicely, they said that black women are the point behind the problem because we are deciding to procreate with idiotic "hood niggas" and create idiotic "hood children" who will do nothing more than perpetrate the already dying state of our culture (writer's note-WHAT KIND OF SH*T?!?! ). They went on to say that I was insinuating more importance in this than there needs to be (see earlier writer's note). They also went on to state that there is no such thing as "black love" and that if there is love between a few people that is their thing, but there cannot be an inherent love within a culture. Ugh...

Well, I'm done letting them go on about this mess. I'm going to speak my mind. These are the weakest responses I have ever heard. These men in my life are special to me (and you know I love you all otherwise I wouldn't have asked you to speak on it), but these are the weakest damn responses I have EVER heard. It was a bitch statement, end of story. I think these types of statements are made by black men who are seemingly unsure of themselves and who they are. The biggest thing in my mind is that we as a culture need to find out who/what we once were and keep that in mind when we go about our business. I figure if we do these things, it will be impossible for cultural love to die. If it takes a village to raise a child, how many does it take to raise that village?

As I was writing this, one of my favorite people called. He asked why I was so worked up and what was going on. I pretty much unloaded on him and told him everything. To be honest, he said that those statements made by my other male friends were made by men who are scared of black women. He went on to say that these are black men with no love for their own people and that is the weakest thing you could possibly be. It made me smile since when I took on this endeavor, I was slowly but surely losing faith in my people. (Thanks, honey. I needed that *hugs*)

I'll be real with you, yes black women have our faults just like everyone else does. I cannot speak for all of us, but I will speak for myself and the female friends of mine that expressed interest in this topic and had a roundtable with me in my basement.

1.) Yes, some of us can be materialistic. Most people these days are; we like nice things. Anyway, those who are offer no excuses and no apologies. They don't feel it is necessary since everyone likes to live in the way they are most comfortable.

2.) Yes, we can be loud and angry. We are passionate women. When we are excited/upset about something we show it.

3.) Yes, we can be stuck-up. I know for a fact that I am. While not necessarily proud of the fact, it is a way of being selective of who I deal with on a regular basis so it will not change any time soon. If I feel as if your presence is going to bring me down, I will not deal with you.

4.) We do speak badly of some black men. YES, I will repeat this. We do speak badly of SOME black men. If you show us something different, then don't worry about it because we're not talking about you.

5.) Black women can be cold and calculating. Damn right we can be. We can smell weakness from a mile away. It's not attractive to us. Before you say anything-weakness does not imply anything about financial status or anything of that sort. We can be cruel and cold, but have you ever seen a black woman with her family? How are we with our children? Yeah...that's what I thought.

6.)The funniest thing about all this is that if we take out a few adjectives, these things can be said about any type of woman. So either stop dating women or get the hell over it.

In a nutshell, black women cannot be placed in a class or category. Not all of us are strong, intelligent, or opinionated. Some of us are quite weak, angry, and close-minded. We know this. How would that make us any different from any other group of people? One thing about us is that we are unapologetic. Why would we apologize for being who we are? If we are who we are, we are so obviously so that it is cause for alarm in some. One thing that must change is that the generalizations have to go. We can't keep doing this to ourselves. We are constantly putting ourselves in a box and that box is growing smaller and smaller as time goes by.

By the way: even if someone is multicultural/bi-racial/whatever you choose to be called-you are who you identify as. If you identify with none, then cool do that. No one is asking for you to be one thing or another. If they are then tell them to f*ck off. To be honest, no one cares that much about what someone else thinks or is unless they are trying to make them change these things.

Why Black Love is Dying

2008-06-26T07:48:00.004-05:00

Ok folks, it's time for me to stop playing around about this. I'm so damn tired of this epidemic and I REFUSE to deal with it quietly any longer. Black love is dying and we are basically just letting it die in silence. I'm not going to ostracize my Caucasian readers, but I REALLY need to get this off my chest.

Those of you who read this blog regularly know that I am a big fan of interracial relationships and basically relationships of any sort. I'm all in favor of someone being happy with exactly who they love and to hell with what everyone else thinks. The love I'm talking about in this post is not just romantic, it is cultural. That is why I'm going to speak on it.

Now, we all know that there is a growing number of black men dating white women. This is not a problem to me, the problem is the reasoning they give to their family members and the black women in their lives as to why. From my experience, the reasons tend to be one or more of the following.

1.) Black women are too difficult to deal with. Why should I have to work so damn hard trying to make a relationship work with someone who wants to argue all the time and is so confrontational?

2.) I'm just not attracted to black women anymore. There are never any that I find attractive and want to be with.

3.) Black women are all looking for a thug or some guy with a whole lot of gangsta swagger or something. That's not who I am.

Now, first can we all admit that these reasons are all cop-outs? These reasons are complete and utter bullshit and they know it just as well as the rest of us do. They are all complete and total generalizations that a few black women have perpetrated. Also, if you as a black man have found yourself using one of these lines I have something I need you to listen to: WAKE THE HELL UP AND STOP BLAMING US FOR YOUR INADEQUACIES AS A MAN! It's not our fault that you have bad taste in women and the women who caused you to have these ideas are the ones you pick to try to establish a life with.

After a long time of hearing this, many black women tend to suffer. We begin to question ourselves, our beauty, and our ability to love and be loved. For those of us who are already suffering in our lives, this is just the icing on the cake. Let's say, for example that there is a young black woman whose father left when she was young and she's had a hard time dating anyone and especially trusting men. Because of this, she buries herself in her work and her success...never taking the time to relax and enjoy herself. She becomes hard-hearted. Later she meets a man and he is absolutely wonderful, handsome, sweet, educated, eloquent, and of course single. She lets herself have feelings for him and tells him how she feels. All of a sudden, his face twists up and he says, "I don't date black girls. They just aren't established enough for me. Don't get me wrong though, if you were white, I would definitely date you. You're different from most of them and you have a sweet personality, but you're not white." Now, how do you think she felt at that point? It makes us question things...makes us wonder, "Damn...if our own men don't want us, who does?" Aaah, but those of us who are more stubborn than most have one of these reactions:

1.) Man...it was probably just that one guy. Whatever, his loss. It's sad that he hates himself that much.

2.) F*** it then...guess black men are out of the question. *shrugs*

3.) Meh...ok. F*** it, I'm going to handle my business and concentrate on me.

This is where we come full circle. These reactions are where many men think that we are stuck up or too busy to deal with them. These are the reasons why we are so self and success-focused, but these things are not mutually exclusive. We react this way to protect ourselves from being harmed.

It is time that we get all the dumb ish out of the way and figure out exactly what's going on and stop talking/thinking about how all the good men/women are taken and find out why the hell we think that. It's insane. Even if you choose not to date black men/women, please still maintain some love in your heart for them/us. It's difficult nowadays to not feel alone, but if we are actually bound somehow then we don't feel as alone. If you remember where you came from, it will be easy to keep some sort of cultural love. Please just remember because I for one, won't let black love to die.

By the way: You know what the guy says in our little hypothetical situation up there? Well...it's been said to me several times. Lucky for me, I had a combination of reactions 1 and 3 and just went from there.

For the Love of Animals

2008-06-24T18:34:00.003-05:00

I caught a video about a very special animal sanctuary while on Leah's blog. Her brother in law is the one who created this video and it is absolutely breathtaking what this woman does for these animals. If you watch, every year this woman cares for these animals and lets them live the way they are supposed to. Enjoy.

The website for the sanctuary is Cat House on the Kings, if you would like to find out more about this beautiful facility.

A Girl Like Me

2008-06-03T18:40:00.002-05:00

I remember a few years ago when I saw this video, there was a lot of truth to it but it didn't speak to me in the same way it does now. When I was younger, I didn't think twice about whether I had a specific culture. I was more worried about how badly I needed a relaxer and what color I was going to wear to so-and-so's party on Friday. Now that I am an adult and actually know who I am for the most part, it's obvious that African-Americans are suffering. We can't really trace our roots the way other groups can. It's very sad. It's rare that there are teenage girls who are aware of themselves. The young ladies in this video are. They speak so much truth and brutal honesty, it blows my mind.

J-O-B

2008-05-26T16:22:00.003-05:00

So, I got the job as a merchandiser around 3 weeks ago. I WAS SO FRIGGIN HAPPY! Anyway, it's a great job. Everyone there is s nice and so willing to help if you have a question/problem. My co-workers are wonderful folks that keep me laughing during those loooooong store hours. My bosses are amazing, especially my direct boss. I'm so sad that she's leaving in a couple of weeks. She's such a mom-type of person (very sweet and nurturing). I'm excited to see who they hire for her place. Lately, the other MCA's and I have been working to get the store in decent shape before the cleansweep. I have been working for the past 3 days trying to get the dress department organized. After a while, all the dress patterns start to blend together and look the same. It drives me nuts. After a few hours, I go walk around the store and straighten things up because I can't concentrate on those damn dresses anymore.

The best part of working at this job is the environment and the other people who work there. They keep me laughing. So, I have decided to compile a list of the top 5 quotes from my coworkers (some outside the workplace, most were not).

5. Ahaha... way to fall down the escalator, you device used for a woman's sanitary needs!

4. Dude, get your shit together and deal with it. THAT'S FUCKING LIFE! People suck, especially women...but they do a good job of it, so we keep them around.

3. ...AND THEN the bitch says that I was fucking with her boyfriend. LIKE WHAT?!?! Bitch, I have my own AND my man is fucking fine. NOW WHAT!

2. I'm looking for a fat white girl who already has kids. I want a pre-made family, MAN!

1. ELAN! You cannot sit here and tell me that the beads on this bathing suit don't look like anal beads to you. Don't lie!
(at this point, I walked away giggling)

Summer, Summer, Summer Time

2008-05-17T21:27:00.005-05:00

Ladies and gents, for me...IT'S FINALLY SUMMER! My internship is over, I don't have to wear a coat every day, and I don't have to do anything but work. The biggest news by far is that I got the job at Sears. I'm now a merchandiser. The second is that I now have a 3rd cat. His name is Nisshoku and he's 12 weeks old. the third bit of news would be that my Ghana trip has been rescheduled and that I will only be there for 1 week now because of some family things.

I've decided that I will not be taking any summer classes this year, since I need at least one summer off before I graduate. I'm exhausted from years of constant class, papers, and exams. I need the break before grad school starts and then many more classes, papers, and exams. A bit more good news is that some of my favorite men are coming back from Iraq for a while this summer. I'm SO excited to see them. I love you guys!

So, the one thing I wanted to do when I came back to Kalamazoo in January was to stay with my family until I made enough cash to buy a house or at least rent one. Family and I are spending too much time together and they are driving me nuts. I've definitely decided that I need to be out of here by October at the VERY latest. There is something about my mother being able to walk into my space and take things out of my room that bothers me. All this, besides the fact that I HATE the idea of having to tell people when I'm leaving and where I'm going. I also dislike the fact that I can't stay out at night without them tripping. It's time for me to make a move.

The Thing About Britain...

2008-05-14T09:27:00.001-05:00

They actually HAVE talent. You never see performances this good on America Has Talent. Just watch.

Thank You, Mommy

2008-05-10T22:54:00.006-05:00

As we all know, tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'd like to take a second out to say something. My mother and I are extraordinarily close; she is my best friend. In that same breath, sometimes she can be my worst enemy. This feeling was reserved for my teenage years, mostly. When I was about 15 or 16 and I was just starting to assert my individuality and develop into a young adult, she and I butted heads on just about everything. I didn't realize until about a few years ago that everything she said or did was said or done for me, not to me.

So this is for you, Mama.

Thank you for reeling me in when I was being a little witch.

Thank you for popping me upside the head when it was necessary.

Thank you for keeping me in private school, even when I hated it.

Thank you for putting up with my " soft-heartedness" (as you and Grandma call it and letting me bring home stray animals when it was necessary

Thank you (and Daddy) for showing me what a successful marriage is supposed to be.

Thank you for always taking the time to ask me about my day, even if I didn't want to talk.

Thank you for having my back when no one else does.

Thank you for understanding my feelings even when I don't.

Thank you for forcing me to get up and go to church every Sunday.

Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself.

Thank you for being my biggest fan.

Thank you for being my arch-nemesis (haha)

Thank you for forcing me to be nice to my little brother, my second biggest fan.

Thank you for having faith in me, even when I don't.

Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a strong woman.
Most of all, Mama...
THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!

It's No Longer Love...And?

2008-05-08T15:56:00.006-05:00

We've all heard that old adage, "If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, then it was yours all along." There was a point in time that I believed in that for exactly what it's worth. Now, I think that when you love something enought to let it go, the love turns into a sort of admiration.

I have been in quite a few relationships of varying degrees. There were 3 that were my most intense. The first was during my freshman year of college with an older guy, everything was fantastic. Then we began to move too fast and we both decided it was time for it to end. It didn't end very well at first, but as the years have gone by we have become friends again. Now, it's gotten to the point where he is an option. My second was last year...he and I ended VERY badly because of his dependence, but I know that eventually we will be close again because we were so much alike. My third was earlier this year, and we are still extremely close. He is off finding/establishing himself and I have to say that I am supportive of everything he does. I mean...what are friends for? They each have a specific place in my heart and in my life. They each played a role in the past and in the present.

There is no doubt in my mind that when you love someone hard the way I do and break up with them, some part of the love always remains regardless of the circumstance. Love fades, without a decent amount of upkeep. Sometimes, it dies out and becomes an intense type of admiration or fondness.

Broken hearts will always heal; wounds always close themselves if you let them.

Great Cover Songs

2008-05-05T18:25:00.002-05:00

A friend/reader sent me these videos...they are FANTASTIC!

Halifax cover of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up"

Ben Folds Five cover of NWA's "Bitches Ain't Shit"

CAKE's cover of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"

Ugh!

2008-05-02T21:33:00.006-05:00

You all are going to have to excuse me for this week...I'm SO SO SO stressed out. I'm trying to find a summer job and may have found one, not quite sure yet. Also, I'm tired of dealing with everyone's crap and no one gives a damn about anything I'm going through. Today is one of those posts that I need to rant in.

I'm sick of people not being able to control their emotions. Once you're over the age of 15 and are not on any medications for emotional outbursts, you should be able to hold your stuff in like the rest of us do. I wish I could cuss people out, scream, cry, or throw a tantrum every time something goes wrong. Newsflash: WE CAN'T! GROW THE HELL UP!

I'm also tired of people taking their anger/frustration with their own lives out or problems on people around them. It's not our fault that you're having a bad day or you didn't get the job or grade you wanted. When I ask you how you've been or what's going on, I'm genuinely concerned for you. Stop acting like I'm just asking to be nosy or something and taking it out on me like I'm the reason you didn't get what you wanted. I'm just so irritated with this because I'm always the one who catches everyone else's mood swings and shit, but I just smile and deal with it because I'm a good friend. Though, the second something happens and I have to concentrate on my family or myself, I'm a terrible person. Stop being a douche nozzle and get over yourself!

Why are there no jobs anywhere? I mean, jeez! Does no business need a bit of help? I know this is nation-wide, but DAMN it is REALLY bad in Kalamazoo. I have seen one job posting at a business since I've been home that wasn't fast food. You have no idea how fast I jumped on that one. You all know when I get something, I'm like a dog with bone...I'm holding on to this one as long as I can.

O.K....I'm done ranting. I promise! Now back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Otto Has Been a Bad Dog

2008-04-27T17:04:00.002-05:00

I was on my normal internet travels and came across this gem of a video. Watch:

My Secrets

2008-04-26T00:54:00.005-05:00

Everyone has at least 3 secrets that they don't ever want others to know. These secrets may be something that struck you emotionally, may have traumatized you, or just something stupid you once did. As I looked up the definition of the word secret for inspiration for this post, I found one that was very interesting.

Secret: beyond normal human understanding or comprehension

At first, I thought the definition was a little far out there. I figured someone was ego-tripping a bit, then I actually took the time to think about it. Isn't that why we keep secrets? We keep them because we fear being misunderstood by others or being shunned. It's always a big fear of ours as humans to be thought strange by our own group. So, honestly...I feel as if I can feel much better about everything if I get a few things off my chest. It's sort of the same concept as PostSecret, but with no anonymity (I prefer not to hide behind it). So here are a few of my secrets:

I fell out of love with a man and stayed with him for the comfort/convenience of always having someone to come home to.
I used to find it really difficult to find good within myself.
There are certain people who have been cut out of my life for some reason or another that I miss.
Someone I once said would always be in my life, regardless of the circumstances has lately made me wish they weren't there any longer.
There was a time in my life when I really and honestly didn't give a damn about anyone but myself and my family.

Back from Lansing!

2008-04-21T14:10:00.006-05:00

The party was FANTASTIC and I love my family SO much. I can't believe Z is already 6...it's scary. They really do grow up super fast. He's still my baby brother though! My favorite pictures are below!
If you want to see the whole album, here it is: ALBUM

Gratuitous Kitty Post

2008-04-18T11:45:00.006-05:00

This weekend is my little brother, Zethan's birthday, so I'm headed to Lansing to spend time with the family. In light of this, I am posting pics of the cats as filler until I get back.

Children See. Children Do.

2008-04-17T21:58:00.001-05:00

I just watched this video and it almost had me in tears. Just watch.

Michelle Obama Is My Hero!!!!

2008-04-16T13:37:00.005-05:00

Last night, Mrs. Obama was on The Colbert Report. I didn't even know, but I was SO excited when I flipped channels and there she was. We all know that I am a HUGE fan of Barack Obama, but his wife, Michelle is the epitome of beauty, grace, poise, and intelligence. Most of the time on The Colbert Report, there are a few jokes that go over the interviewee's head. This did not happen with our Future First Lady, at all. She was able to counter all of Stephen Colbert's jokes and questions perfectly. The clip is below:

P.S. Check out her dress! I want it so badly. I loooove it.

My Favorite Books

2008-04-16T00:01:00.005-05:00

So a few weeks ago, my friend and I went to a book store and picked out 5 books each that we would buy for each other (you all know I'm a bookworm). It's a very sweet idea and it really shows how much your friend or significant other knows about you. It was one of the best days we've had in a long time. She and I have been close since just about 10th or 11th grade and I moved back to Kalamazoo in January, it was insane how nothing changed over those years. Well after we made our purchases (the other one had to close their eyes or turn around when we got to the counter), we traded bags. It's amazing how well we know each other. She got me 2 books that I'd wanted for a while now (including Persepolis!!!!) and 3 others that she thought I'd like to read. I was so excited. As we sipped our chai lattes and listened to old Matchbox 20 tracks at Water Street, we made lists of our top 5 favorite books. Mine are as follows:

1. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings-Maya Angelou
2. Son of a Witch-Gregory Maguire
3. Sula-Tony Morrison
4. Should You Be Laughing at This?-Hugleikur Dagsson
5. Wicked- Gregory Maguire

To My Blogger Friends:

2008-04-11T16:28:00.004-05:00

Thanks for reading/commenting so much lately, guys! It makes my day every time I see something new from one of you; it's sort of like a reward to me. Also, all of you that have added me to your blogroll: YOU ROCK! By the way, I dyed my hair if you can't tell by the pic. I'm extremely happy about it.

R.I.P.

2008-04-10T14:10:00.005-05:00

Bob Marley's mother, Cedella Marley-Booker passed away late last night at the age of 81 in Miami. She died in her sleep. Many people remember her for the 2 biographies she wrote about her son, others remember her for the annual Bob Marley Movement Festival she was passionately involved with in Miami. Shortly after her famous son's death, she recorded two albums: Awake Zion and Smilin' Island of Song. Both of the albums she did were very uplifting and full of words that inspired many.

Happy To Be Nappy

2008-04-09T02:36:00.003-05:00

When I first started blogging during the summer of last year, I made the decision to stop torturing my hair and let it shine in all its natural glory. This has been one of the best decisions of my life. There is a whole other type of self esteem that comes with allowing your hair to grow into what it truly is. I've never felt stronger or more beautiful. I feel as if I have gotten to know myself better in those few months than I ever have in my 21 years of life. It's a fantastic feeling.

This lack of acceptance is difficult to pinpoint. It's hard to explain, honestly. I think it comes from the sort of "lack of identity" that many African Americans have. We have tried to conform over the years by straightening our naturally kinky and coiled hair, changing the shapes of our faces, and attempting to lighten our skin tone. These are all in an effort to be more "socially acceptable" within our respective cultures. This is true in other nationalities as well, not just African Americans. It is not just black women who feel the need to straighten their naturally kinky, curly hair; I know several of my white female friends who do the same because it is seen as more beautiful. In the words of one of my favorite men: "There is nothing like a woman with curly, wild hair...her hair has life!" Many people will cite the idea that their man wants to run his fingers through straight hair, and doesn't like it when their hair is curly. To these women I say: IT'S TIME FOR A NEW MAN! The one you have is shallow as hell.

To allow natural beauty to shine through takes a certain type of self confidence and acceptance. Within American culture, letting your hair do its own thing has been deemed unprofessional and messy-looking. This couldn't be further from the truth. When properly maintained, natural hair is beautiful and incredibly versatile. It is easy to maintain curliness, once you figure out what works for your hair and what doesn't. Most of the time that a woman's hair looks frizzy is just because it is dry. Once it's moisturized, curly/kinky hair is absolutely gorgeous.

Fried Monday Links

2008-04-07T11:48:00.005-05:00

My brain is pretty much fried from my hectic weekend. It just isn't functioning correctly today, so I'm posting links that I thought were cool, cute, strange, or just crazy. Enjoy!

Hunting at 140 MPH (graphic)

Relationships between dogs and cats

Pregnancy as a woman's rite of passage

Shadowers (creepy)

Vibrating beaver (not as dirty as you'd think, trust me...well...sorta)

Where are you in life?

River of Sunny D?!?!?!

Shut the f*** up, Oregano

Interracial Dating and Me

2008-04-04T13:10:00.005-05:00

You knew it was coming...the obligatory interracial dating post! Woohoooo! Anyway, there have been some heated conversations I've had with my male friends within the past few weeks on this topic and they suggested I blog it so here gooooes:

I am completely and utterly equal opportunity, which most men in my life are completely aware of. Yet, some still have a problem with it. They have a problem with black women dating white men, but not the other way around. Some of my black female friends are the same way, they have a SERIOUS problem with a black man dating a white woman but no problems at all with dating a white man. I just think everyone is a bunch of hypocrites when it comes to this subject. As far as I'm concerned, to each his/her own. If the person you are with makes you happy and you love him/her, then more power to you and I wish you the best.

Any man who is decent and knows how to treat a woman well is a candidate for dating. I don't care about race or anything like that; I've always thought that kind of shallow. Generally after I say something about this, a friend will ask, "Well, what would your family think?" To put it bluntly, it doesn't matter in the least. My family is so full of different ethnicities, it would make no sense to have those type of prejudices. Besides the fact that most of my family expects me to marry a man from a different ethnicity anyway. As my favorite aunt would say, I'm "the eclectic one".

True, I have had a few men who wanted to date me for purely a new experience. They wanted to find out "What's different?" The fact that these men thought that something would be different between me and a white woman basically blew my mind. Why can't a woman be a woman? So from there, those guys have essentially been cut off. I don't do racism, or racism disguised by curiosity.

Basically, whatever makes you happy, you should do. Forget what other people think and what society says, a person needs to do things that will make them happy. If that thing happens to be dating someone that most people can't see you with or someone that your family or friends don't necessarily approve of then quite frankly: Oh well! Sucks for them.

I Won't Say It! (Throwback Thursday Edition)

2008-04-03T10:21:00.005-05:00

Today, I've definitely been in the mood for childhood movies. So, I busted out the VCR and put in some tapes. I was watching Hercules with the cats and the scene with Megara and the Muses singing about her being in love really struck me. After that, I listened to the song by itself and realized that it's definitely where I am right now.

Meg:
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

Muses:
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of

Meg:
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh

Muses:
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad

Meg:
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it

Muses:
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love

Meg:
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

Blind Date With a Crack Whore

2008-04-02T19:04:00.001-05:00

I...have...no...words.

Sidenote: References to famous artists do not impress crack whores.

She's F**king Obama

2008-04-02T00:50:00.002-05:00

In the same vein as the "She's F**king Matt Damon" and "He's F**king Ben Affleck" videos from the Jimmy Kimmel show, someone spoofed and cut several debate excerpts....just watch.

Things I've Learned from Adulthood So Far

2008-04-01T13:52:00.004-05:00

Last week, I realized that my family finally sees me as an adult. It sort of blew my mind. Then I thought back because I was always told that you begin adulthood by learning from past mistakes and experiences. From there I gathered up a list of the most important things I've learned so far.

1.) No matter how hard we try, goodbye sex only reopens old wounds.
2.) Close friends are extremely important. Without them or someone who exists for the same purpose, we will shrivel and die.
3.) Regardless of what we would like to believe, most people don't really give a damn about any opinions other than their own.
4.) Unless you follow your heart and do what you think is right, you will never truly be happy.
5.) Before you make any major financial decisions, always make sure you have a way out.
6.) Parents don't always know best, but they will always try their hardest to share what they know from experience.
7.) Listen to your older family members; they sometimes give great advice.
8.) Exes can be forgiven, regardless of what they did.
9.) When you really love someone, those feelings never die.
10.) In order for things to really go right and for your life to feel rewarding, you have to love yourself.
11.) It's rare that your pity for someone can turn into genuine affection and it's best that you tell them that from jump.
12.) Even if you HATE your job, it still pays the bills.

Sardoodledom...

2008-03-28T22:58:00.001-05:00

As a former spelling bee champ, this vid made my day. I'd never even heard of this word prior to this vid and I love the fact that the little boy tries to sneak in a cheater question. Enjoy!

Reasons to Live

2008-03-25T02:31:00.005-05:00

I had a rather difficult conversation with a friend of mine earlier this week. She has been feeling very alone and completely isolated from the world. I told her that if she needed anything, that I was here and I wasn't going anywhere. She said more than anything, she needed to talk. We spent about 5 hours on the phone talking and she said that sometimes she feels as if she doesn't have a reason to go on living. This post is for her. There are things that we take for granted so much, that after a while we don't even notice their existence.

1.)There is at least one person who loves you, probably many more if you sit down and think.
2.) There is at least one person whose life you influenced or changed for the better.
3.) The way things smell after it rains.
4.) The way your family or close friends hug you when they haven't seen you in a while.
5.) Lolcats
6.) Orgasms
7.) The way things change when sunlight breaks through clouds.
8.) Your Mom
9.) Music
10.) Small dogs in sweaters
11.) Your best friend's laugh
12.) When you catch your favorite movie on TV at the perfect moment.
13.) Really good pizza
14.) Movie nights with your whole crew
15.) Dancing around in your underwear when no one is looking
16.) Love

Guys and Dolls

2008-03-23T09:01:00.005-05:00

I just saw this clip about Real Dolls. Real Dolls are basically extremely realistic sex dolls. You can order them however you want(i.e. make them whatever size you'd like, hair type, ethnicity, everything). They cost around $4000 and are increasing in popularity as the days go by. These things blow my mind.

Anyway, the documentary is about how the men who buy the Real Dolls actually live with them. Two of the men treat them as essentially a significant other and it blows my mind. It seems as if the men in the documentary have truly given up on themselves. I think it's more of a problem that they have with social interaction than a fetish or anything like that. I'm not really creeped out by them...it's more that I feel badly for them. Watch the clip and you be the judge:

By the way: HAPPY EASTER, EVERYONE!!!!!

Do You Believe?

2008-03-23T00:50:00.003-05:00

They say every little girl dreams of her wedding day. I used to...not so much anymore. Weddings and the whole marriage thing aren't for everyone. I used to think that these things were part of becoming an adult...that they were essential. I realized a couple of weeks ago that they are not.

I had this conversation with one of my sisters and she was saying that once the right man came into my life, then maybe I would feel that way. I have decided that I am going to enjoy my life and live for myself. Fuck the expectations and all that. I'm going to live for me.

If the time comes for me to become that person, if that man comes along who will be what I need and I what he needs, then I will act on it and things will change. Until then I'm going to live for myself (i.e. my successes), love my family, and love my friends.

I don't necessarily believe in the whole concept of a "true love". I think that there are certain people who are placed in our lives who are all mates to our souls. Some may be friends, family members, and others you may never even meet. Those of us who are incredibly lucky may even meet those who are destined for them...others may die never knowing what it feels like to be truly loved.

For My Fellow Cat Lovers

2008-03-22T10:18:00.000-05:00

This vid made my day. Hope you enjoy it too.

Oops...

2008-03-18T01:34:00.002-05:00

Why you should always pay attention to the packaging.

5 Things I Believed as a Child

2008-03-15T14:02:00.006-05:00

1.) I thought that clouds and cotton were made of the same thing.

2.) I thought that dogs walked on 2 legs when we weren't looking.

3.) I thought Polaroid pictures wouldn't develop unless you shook them.

4.)One of my cousins had a friend who was a transsexual, but appeared to be a woman. When I was little, I walked into the bathroom when he/she was peeing. From then on, I thought boys and girls could pick what they wanted to have down there when they were born and was upset because I thought I missed my chance to pick.

5.) I couldn't understand why my mother wouldn't let me keep a tiger for a pet.

If there is one thing I wish I could have back, it is my innocence from that time in my life. I was incredibly creative and just had the drive to want to know why and how absolutely everything worked. I actually believed that everything and everyone was inherently good. Regrettably, when you grow up, these things get torn away and you see what life is really like.

Fashion Weak

2008-03-14T13:50:00.004-05:00

I know I said I probably wouldn't have time to do a regular post today, but I saw this pic and HAD to say something. Will someone please explain to me what in THE HELL Raven Symone is wearing? Like...squeaky clean Disney kid goes temporary rocker? I'm so confused. I'm definitely a Raven Symone fan, but I honestly what's going on with her look right here.

Gratuitous Kitty Post

2008-03-13T23:53:00.008-05:00

I didn't really have time to do a post today, I have to go into work at 6 AM until 5. After that, it's movie night with the bestie. I'm excited. See you all on Saturday!

Oyster Awareness

2008-03-13T18:22:00.006-05:00

How do oysters show their appreciation for good poetry?

Instead of snaps, they click their shells together

I know, I know...bad joke. According to folklore, we are only supposed to eat oysters during months that have 'R' in them. When doing a bit of research, I came across a website about Gulf oysters. This site has all types of tips about eating oysters safely. Millions of people eat oysters, they are a great source of protein, zinc, Vitamin B-12, and Omega-3 fatty acids. The site also has information on whether or not you could be an at-risk consumer. If you are an at-risk consumer, there is information throughout about the potential hazards of eating them raw. It also details the harvesting process. This site is for keeping America's consumers safe and healthy. Besides, oysters are delicious! I love them pan-fried; here my favorite recipe for them:

12 large fresh oysters, shucked
2 , beaten eggs
1 cup breadcrumbs
Salt and pepper
2 to 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
Lemon wedges
Hot sauce

Place shucked oysters in a colander to drain. Dip oysters in beaten eggs, then in bread crumbs seasoned with salt and pepper, coating thoroughly. Set aside to dry at least 1/2 hour.

Heat oil in frying pan to 370 degrees F. Fry oysters until golden brown on one side, then turn carefully to brown the other side, approximately 3 to 4 minutes on each side (fry oyster until golden brown and edges are curled). Do not overcook or overcrowd in frying pan. Remove from frying pan and serve

Oh No...THE F$%KERY!

2008-03-12T10:25:00.004-05:00

This is a video that was sent to me from a concerned reader. To quote her/him:

"This is the nomination for General Fuckery of the Week. Have fun with this...I fear for our race."

---J Deez

I listened to this last night and felt myself being sucked into the very pits of hell and I want to share that experience with you all. Ladies and gentlemen, I present: "Shake Dem Dreads Between My Legs"...*shudders in fear*

"I Can't Get No F*%&in' Sleep 'Cuz of Y'all"

2008-03-11T08:51:00.003-05:00

Most of you know that I LOVE The Bad Girls Club on Oxygen. If you don't know what it is, watch the vid and then Google it. This show is absolutely hysterical. Enjoy!

The Things That Make Me Weep

2008-03-10T20:05:00.006-05:00

From EURweb.com: Sheila Brooks, a 25-year-old mother of five kids, was giving a bath to her two youngest – Sirius, 3, and Sereena, 1 – when she stepped out to get some clothes from the bedroom. Instead of returning immediately, she stopped for a few minutes to watch a bit of "Idol" with two of her other kids – Daesheana Twyman, 7, and Dasianaye Twyman, 5, according to the Indianapolis Star newspaper.

"Daesheana stated that they were … watching ‘American Idol’ on TV … and her mother suddenly stated that she forgot and left the two youngest children in the tub," Officer Gustavia Dodson wrote in the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department report. Brooks sent Daesheana to finish bathing her little sisters and get them out of the tub (Yeah, because that's your child's responsibility?). According to police, Daesheana found Sirius submerged underwater and called for her mother, who then performed CPR while Brooks' brother, 38-year-old Darnell Wilson, called 911.

The portion of the story which caused me the most pain was this:

Also, police allegedly found “about an ounce of marijuana, five burnt marijuana cigarettes and a scale," in Brooks' bedroom, where the 7- and 5-year-old were watching "Idol."

Now first of all: Why is a television show about some non-singing people forcing you to neglect your children? When a child is as young as hers are, they need to be SUPERVISED in a bath! I was in tears when I read this earlier today...wondering why certain people can have a whole ton of children when others who actually want them cannot have any. How are you going to smoke weed when you are supposed to be taking care of your children? How are you going to give them the attention that they require if you are HIGH?!? I can't even deal with this bullshit...her children need to be taken from her. Also, SHE'S ONLY GETTING CHARGED WITH 2 CASES OF NEGLECT!!!! What in the hell? Child endangerment should have been tacked on to that one. This baby almost fucking DIED! Oh I'm so disappointed...*sigh*

Family Murdered

2008-03-03T08:19:00.006-05:00

From CNN.com:

Anthony Tyrone Terrell Jr. was charged with murder in the shooting deaths at the family home near Lawrenceville, where the bodies were found late Thursday, said police spokeswoman Illana Spellman. She identified the victims as Gwinnett County Sheriff’s Deputy Joy Deleston, 39, and her two daughters, Micaiah, 11, and Jelani, 4.

The motive for the killings was still under investigation, Spellman said.

Terrell was taken to jail in neighboring DeKalb County to avoid any potential conflict because Deleston worked for Gwinnett County, Spellman said. He is being held without bail.

I have seen this story at least 5 times this morning. The main focus of the report every time I read one, except the one from CNN.com is that the 4-year-old was Souther rapper, Juvenile's daughter. This is an incredibly sad story in itself, but what does that say about us? We have become so wrapped up in celebrity news that the murder of 2 little girls and their mother BY HER SON AND THEIR BROTHER, has only reached the large outlets because the youngest child was the daughter of a rapper.

I'm sure we have all heard someone say that when a pretty black woman goes missing, you hear nothing about it, but when a pretty white woman goes missing you hear about it on every major network. I do believe this is true, otherwise blogs and websites like Black and Missing would not have to exist. The murder of a black mother and her 2 youngest children, by her oldest child is only notable because the youngest child is the product of a rapper. The thought is making me ill.

I have read this story on some blogs already today, mostly to see people's reactions, and the majority are turning it into another black-man-bashing party. Every post had something to do with "Brothers today are no good and the cause of this was the decline of the black family" or "See? This wouldn't have happened if that boy had his father in his life" or worst of all "Juvenile probably wouldn't even give a damn about this. I bet he didn't even want that little girl, it ain't like he would have stayed and been there for that her as she grew up". Ladies and gentlemen, I say this with all due respect: SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN! We do not know that the boy's father wasn't in his life; we also do not know the boy's mental state. WE DO NOT KNOW THE WHOLE STORY!

This is probably the saddest news story I have read in a very long time. Let this sink in for a moment:

A 17-year-old boy (who obviously had some mental issues) brutally murdered his own mother who raised him as a single parent, also murdered his 2 innocent little sisters. As a woman, I'm sure the deputy fought to keep her family together and raise her children correctly, as we all would, only to have her own child be the cause of her untimely death. And on top of all this, the only reason this story got to the larger news outlets is because the youngest child's father is a rapper.

This is truly the saddest thing I've ever read. My prayers are with their family and loved ones.

I mean...DAMN!

2008-02-29T21:30:00.017-05:00

I was having a conversation with one of my girls about my supposedly "strange taste in men". I don't think I necessarily have a strange taste in men, it's just that I find strange men extremely attractive. For those of you who know me personally, I'm sure you're well aware of certain exes I've had who were a bit odd (they shall remain unnamed).

I don't know if the men themselves are odd, they just have certain aspects that can be interpreted as being strange. For example: I LOVE men with eclectic tastes. Whether we're talking about music, fashion, or art...OMG it drives me up a wall. So the men I date tend to have interesting personalities and crazy fashion sense. Honestly, the most important aspect a man can have is intelligence. That is the true aphrodisiac for me. If a man can maintain a decent conversation and keep me enthralled, *whoo* it's over. I'm going to try to cuff him. Socially speaking, extremely intelligent men are not accepted by the majority, so their energy has to manifest in other ways such as becoming a huge anime fan or music nut.

So, I had this idea to post a list of my top men in music who are a bit strange or aren't the typical "hot guys", but do it for me.

1.)Travis McCoy (Gym Class Heroes)
2.)Q-Tip (A Tribe Called Quest)
3.)Mos Def (Black Star)
4.) Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy)
5.) Rakim (HE'S A FUCKING LEGEND!)

For some reason, every one of these men is just so out of the ordinary that it got my motor runnin'. Who are your top 5?

General Fuckery of the Week

2008-02-27T00:23:00.007-05:00

This is the casting video for Plies' music video for "Bust It Baby"...for this...I have no words except to quote Amy Winehouse: WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!?!?!?!?!

Contains adult content and general tackheaded-ness *sigh* I rarely use the word ho, but I have to say it: Who let these hoes...? They just have no shame. I hope they realize how idiotic they look at some point.

WTF?!?!

2008-02-20T14:25:00.008-05:00

So, lately I've been searching high and low for a new apartment in Kalamazoo. I have no problem with living near my family, but I want to be able to do something in my house without having to think about whether my parent or little brother will walk in. I've found a few of them that sound pretty good, but nothing that's really jumping out at me. I would have no problem living in a house, but there are very few houses with less than 4 bedrooms for a decent price. Also, I don't like the idea of having to do all the upkeep of the property. It's rare that I will have time for that. Plus, I'm not paying an extra $3000 deposit for my damn cats! It's insane. For once, I would just like to find a decent apartment with decent rates in a good neighborhood. Is that so difficult to find in Kalamazoo?

Since I left Mount Pleasant for home, my dad was paying my rent on the old apartment that the girls and I were living in. So, I got a FB message from one of my roomies and apparently they haven't received my payments, so she can't put her new computer on our wireless service. Anyway, I called my dad and he called the leasing office at Deerfield Apartments. There was some sort of glitch in their system and they had not recorded ANY of my payments since November. What in THE hell?!?!?!? Anyway, my dad had been paying them with PayPal because it was easier than him mailing a check or calling in his credit card number. So there are receipts, but nothing is recorded by the apartment complex. So now, we're waiting on the PayPal people to handle it because it's out of our hands. This is complete and utter BULLSHIT.

Catching Up

2008-02-03T12:14:00.001-05:00

Sorry it's been so long everybody. There has been a LOT of stuff going on lately...especially since I'm in Kalamazoo and all that. My family have all been fantastic, besides my Dad intermittently freaking out because of the kitties. The internship is SPECTACULAR! I love it so much. The schizophrenic patients are fantastic...is it sad that they make more sense to me than most of the "sane" people I deal with? They told me I didn't have to work with the kids as much anymore because of my issues with attachment (most of you know what I'm talking about...if no, look back on my archives). You all know I have issues with change and all that, it's all intertwined for some odd reason.

Everyone has periods of change in their lives...whether it's personal, social, or whatever. Mine has been a combination of as much change as I think God would let me handle. Personally, I'm developing into who I am and will be for the next 40 years. Socially, I've brought my loved ones closer and pushed away those that are not meant to hold importance within my life. Spiritually...damn. So much has changed. I've become more aware of my surroundings and the inclinations and weaknesses of others. In that same breath, I've realized that for me to be who I am; I cannot use these things in a negative way. That has been the hardest for me to do, especially since I've been dealing with the negativity in my life. It's the most difficult to immerse yourself in something and not be consumed by it.

A Woman's Worth

2008-01-15T19:49:00.000-05:00

Ladies...it's time we're honest with ourselves. Men aren't the only ones who do wrong. We are BY FAR the colder sex. It is easier for us to cause harm to the men we date than it is for them to cause harm to us. For a man to open up, it takes SO much effort and trust. When we hurt them...even inadvertently...it damages them deeply. We are generally taught to be open and loving...we end up hurt when someone abuses that. Now, all wounds heal, but a broken person will always be broken in some way unless they want to heal.

I speak from experience. I am just about the most cold-hearted woman you could meet in a relationship. It is because I shut down from being hurt so many times in the past. To the inexperienced eye/heart, love is very easy to feign. It became an art form to me. I learned how to turn a man's life upside down within a month by being exactly what he wanted, create love, and destroy it. It was out of anger that I did all this. I've grown up quite a bit since I was 17. I'll be realistic: I know for a fact that if I set my mind to it, I could destroy the man I'm with. I refuse to do that because I care for him. I do not want to hurt him because he cares for me deeply and took the time and effort to open his heart to me. It has taken me much longer to open to him, but over time I definitely have.

It is time that we realize the damage that we are capable of and try to heal the pain we've caused ladies. We always talk about a good man is so hard to find and that they are all either taken, gay, or in jail...this is not true. If we could take the time to be the woman that they need: supportive, loving, intelligent, and honest, there would be a lot more decent men in the world. About a month ago, I pulled my little black book out and called every ex that I hurt...every man that I never called back and apologized to them, from the heart. Some were shocked, some were angry, most understood and asked to be friends. It felt so good to know that I had tried to help someone I hurt. I sat back and thought of all the pain that I've caused so many men in my life...it was definitely time for me to apologize for the harm done. So many men do not know the value of a good woman because they have never had one...it's time we show them what a woman is really worth.

Mi Coche!!!

2008-01-07T19:16:00.000-05:00

Well, you guys know I bought my dream car over the summer-a 1999 Mercury Cougar. This thing is my baby. Anyway, I'm in the process of doing everything I want done to it. We started with a complete engine overhaul so I essentially have a brand new car. I decided that I was going to get my wishlist up again so you all know what all I plan on doing to this car.

1.) Repair or replace front bumper cover-the guy who owned it before me did not treat it well. There is a MASSIVE crack in the bumper cover from him hitting a curb really hard.

2.) Spoiler-my Baby doesn't have a spoiler and I can't have her out here naked.

3.) Seat covers-I found these HOT pink and black leather seat covers that I am getting custom made with my name on the head rests (you know I have a weird name, so I like personalized things because I couldn't have them when I was growing up).

4.) Rims- You know I HAVE to have pink and black rims to go along with everything else, it's only right.

5.) LED interior lights-These just look amazing in any car. I found some that are the perfect shade of pink and will replace the overhead light and come as a set with underseat lights

6.) Floor mats-There are these AMAZING pink and black Baby Phat floor mats that are incredibly cheap.

7.)Remote Starter-I live in Michigan...it gets WAY too damn cold to go outside in slippers and start the car.

Filthy Friday

2008-01-04T08:42:00.001-05:00

Hehe...things like this make my perviness worth while.

Fantastic Friiiiday!

2007-12-21T17:52:00.001-05:00

So, I was stumbling and came across this video...it has officially made my entire lifetime. Enjoy!

Wednesday Wonderings

2007-12-19T03:35:00.002-05:00

1.) Why is Nickelodeon bringing back Kenan and Kel when there are so many other great shows they are ignoring?

2.)Why do more guys try to date you when you're taken than when you're single?

3.)Why can't I find a straight, male friend to cuddle with, who will not try to have sex with me?

4.) Why do people always ask for advice, when what they really want is someone to agree with them?

5.) Why is it that when you tell someone that something is broken, they have to try it one time before they say "Yup, it's broken"?

6. Why is it so much harder to forget those that deserve/need to be forgotten than those that don't really matter?

I am

2007-12-15T12:53:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling contemplative, so I wrote this a few minutes ago:

I am...
A lioness, prowling through the hazy African sunset
A flame, growing steadily, enveloping everything in my path
The most exquisite gemstone; bask in my amber hued radiance

I am...
The most delicate of silks; revel in the way I feel against your skin
The most sensuous of rose petals; let me soothe your weary flesh
The most resilient of metals, only changed by heat and passion

I am...
A daughter, always learning
A wife, always loving
A warrior, without rest
A woman

If I Ruled the World...

2007-12-14T15:37:00.002-05:00

The past few weeks have been EXTREMELY eventful...my entire life did a 360 and flipped itself around completely in about 3 weeks time. Now I'm biding time. I'm getting myself together...mind, body, and soul. I DEFINITELY need to start taking better care of myself and I need to get stronger. The fact that I've stopped putting chemicals in and on my body is causing me to make great strides. My skin has never looked healthier, my hair is absolutely beautiful in all it's tightly coiled glory and my health is MUCH better. I heal faster than before as well, probably because I stopped taking all those medications and various other things.

I am on top of the world. My happiness and my hope knows no bounds. I feel as if I could walk through fire and remain unharmed. It's almost like I've finally realized what it means to be alive. We go through hardships and trials because without them, true happiness and growth would not exist. I'm glad I realized it and can now start living without holding back!

There's Just Something About a...

2007-12-12T22:46:00.001-05:00

It's no secret that I'm a bit partial to men who are in the military. I think it's the discipline and strength that that particular career requires. I'm partial to the military men in my life, and there are a LOT of them (significant other, exes, uncles, friends, etc.) As bad as it sounds, you're more likely to treasure those who can be taken from you easily; which is probably why these men in my life are the most important to me.

As I've said before and I will say it again: it takes a certain type of courage and dedication to enlist in any branch of the military. These people are willing to lay their lives on the line to protect and serve their country. I am continuously amazed at how making a soldier brings out the very best and worst qualities in a person and molds them into what is most useful/functional for the job they have to do. It took some serious psychological development and experimentation to create that system. I definitely respect whoever developed that process. It is true that you cannot make something out of nothing, so there are certain qualities that they look for that make a good soldier. It just blows my mind that there are so many people in my life who possess those qualities that I would have never thought it possible.

Grudges?

2007-12-11T07:17:00.001-05:00

It is time for me to become a more forgiving person. There was a point in my life that all the unhappiness was due to some grudge I held. That definitely needed to change. I don't really hold grudges anymore, but I still tend to focus on the negative aspects of a situation. That needed to change in order for me to relax and be able to forgive people for whatever wrong they did. Many times, the treatment from these other people was purely due to selfishness and the lack of respect for another human being. Sure, I may still be a bit angry, but it's all a process of letting it go.

To develop as a good person, one must keep a sound mind and a clear conscience. This is my main reason for letting go of grudges I have. My task for today is to get rid of old anger or hurt feelings that are associated with other people. As long as my conscience is clear and I can't hold in my anger, I can still change and grow as a woman.

Time, Choices, and Destiny

2007-12-10T22:45:00.002-05:00

We knew from the beginning that this was not your average relationship...we knew, but were not prepared to accept our roles. We knew that the power to hold and treasure each other above all else needed to be nurtured and needed to grow as time went on. We knew that others...past relationships served a specific purpose; we knew why it never worked out with the others. Those others were not meant to be. We have finally realized that the concept of "us" has not wavered; it has just evolved a bit. Destiny isn't something that changes...one can either accept it and develop in it, or fight it and suffer.

When you finally discover that you are on the right path and have made the correct decisions for your destiny, things will fall into place. Things will be laid out for you. They may not be simple and they may not be enjoyable, but it is your journey. I am on the right path to who I am intended to be...I have not become that woman just yet, but I'm very close to evolving into her. As long as I follow where I am led, I will accomplish my tasks.

Mine is a heart of carnelian, crimson as murder on a holy day.
Mine is a heart of corneal, the gnarled roots of a dogwood and the bursting of flowers.
I am the broken wax seal on my lover's letters.
I am the phoenix, the fiery sun, consuming and resuming myself.
I will what I will.
Mine is a heart of carnelian, blood red as the crest of a phoenix.

Photo courtesy of Michael Bailey---google him, his artwork is AMAZING!

CD MeMe

2007-12-09T20:42:00.001-05:00

I was tagged in this note on Facebook and I thought that I'd share it and tag two of my favorite bloggers so: A Passive Observer, Marissa Littleton ....YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED!

I'm pretty sure all of you know I listen to a large volume of music, coming from an amazing amount of varying genres. Below you will find 5 of my favorite CD's of all time.

If you are tagged in this note, you are charged with posting your top 5 CD's of all time, and tagging at least 2 people. Have fun, good luck. :D

Top 5 CD's of All Time (Not in any particular order)

1. Lauryn Hill-The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
2. Fall Out Boy-Infinity on High
3. Gym Class Heroes-The Papercut Chronicles
4. Incubus-Make Yourself
5. Linkin Park-EVERY ALBUM

Home Sweet Home...

2007-12-06T07:29:00.001-05:00

I am OFFICIALLY back in Kalamazoo. I got back yesterday around noon after Marcel decided to get up and hit the highway. He's is just about the best friend ever for that one. It feels so good to be home. My mother had her little comments about my hair, but that was expected. Barsen showed up somewhere around the first 5 minutes I was home, the normal cuddling commenced. Not much happening around here...just the way I LOVE it. I made flautas for dinner last night, made with home-made tortillas. Yes...I am AMAZING. My tortillas are something serious, especially now that I'm using whole wheat. The cats are doing well. They like being in a familiar setting. For Bella, this was just about her first "forever home". She's sitting in my lap at this particular moment, purring her little fuzzy butt off. Well, I'm going to head back to sleep just because...well...I CAN! I am completely relaxed for the first time in MONTHS.

My Favorite Poem

2007-12-05T04:41:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard or read a poem that you just couldn't live without? The words just seem to vibe with your very soul? There is a poem that Maya Angelou wrote that she read in Tyler Perry's movie, Ma'dea's Family Reunion that is absolutely beautiful. It captures my relationship perfectly, only in someone else's words. Here it is. Enjoy!

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
Our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.

When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
And the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.

You freed your braids...
Gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honeybees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honeycomb there....
Mmmm...God how I loved your hair.

You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens, loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams...

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
In and out
In and out
Of time.

Life is Beautiful!

2007-12-04T02:15:00.000-05:00

Things in my life are fitting together incredibly beautifully. I'm leaving CMU to branch out and do me! I'm so excited. This job is saving my ass right now. The best feeling in the world is that I don't have to deal with any more drama/bullshit. I am completely focused on myself and those I love right now. I'm coming up to CMU periodically just to visit friends, but it's going to feel so good to be back in K-zoo where I know I am safe and loved. The stress and drama that I had to deal with at Central is of no importance at all anymore. Honestly if I don't feel the need to deal with someone, I won't. I will keep them around for networking purposes, but if they caused issues in my life...they aren't of much importance in the first place. I'm going to tell them the same thing that Eron's aunt told the telemarketers, "Ah, go to shit!"

Snarkiness aside, there are a TON of people that I'm going to miss. Their presence in my life is enough to make my days easier and a lot brighter. They are those I may call family. My roomates are my girls, I'm DEFINITELY going to miss them. Thank God, I'm coming up to spend time with them and ish every few weekends or so. I'd be going through withdrawals otherwise. I'm definitely going to miss everyone that has importance in my life.

Right now, I'm relaxing and letting bachata soak into my veins. This is the best type of music if you need to pause and reflect. True most of the songs are incredibly sad, but beautiful. Aventura is my favorite bachata artist EVER. Most of his stuff is about love lost, but it's fabulous when you need to mellow out after a hard day.

I really do just want to be back in Kalamazoo right now...I can't WAIT until his week is over! If you're in the area, the Thursday after whatever night I come home we're going to be at Tortilla Flats that night for SALSA/BACHATA/MERENGUE NIGHT! Come through and welcome me back home!

All I Want for Christmas...

2007-12-03T10:01:00.001-05:00

This past week has been REALLY rough. For most students, this week is finals week. It is not for me, since I took my finals last Thursday and Friday so I could leave when I wanted to. If I had a choice, I would have left on Saturday. I want to be back in Kalamazoo. My roomates had a goodbye party for me, that also doubled as Ashley's 21st birthday party. It was SO much fun! I have a really funny video that I posted on YouTube that is our friend, Adam wrestling with some other kid in the parking lot of our apartment complex. I'm in the middle of arguing with my dad about getting my car fixed, he isn't trying to hear it. I keep telling him that I need my car back soon so I can get to Kalamazoo and get things started with work! He is aggravation personified. It's just $1500! I told him that I can pay him back after my first couple weeks of work. It's what I need for right now...the only thing wrong with the car is the transmission. Everything else is in good condition.

Well, like I told you all before I am preparing for the move back to Kalamazoo. I'm really excited to be with my loved ones, but I'm not sure how I feel about moving back in with my mother and stepdad. Even my stepdad said it, "After about 3 months, normally you and your mom are trying to kill each other." I don't think it will be as bad this time, since I won't be at the house nearly as often. Well, since I'm back at home for this Christmas, I've decided that I'm going to make a list of things that I would love for the holiday!

1.) Someone to do a cheap transmission repair for my car
2.) Gas money to get back to Kalamazoo
3.) Time with my sisters
4.) A TON of time with my honey (I know I'm going to get this anyway, but it couldn't hurt)
5.) A wonderful family dinner with ALL my Mom's siblings and their kids
6.) Someone to buy all this stuff from me so it will be easier to move

Here's the video from this weekend:

The GREATEST Cover I've Ever Heard

2007-11-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

This little girl on this Japanese Star Search-type of show does a cover of Jennifer Hudson's "You're Gonna Love Me"....and it's AMAZING!!!!!!!!

MeMe Tiiiiime!!!!!

2007-11-20T12:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I am bored and I was tagged in a MeMe soooooo....here it is!

Top 5 Video Games

* Final Fantasy Series
* Hitman
* GTA Series
*Guitar Hero
* Metal Gear

Top 5 Movies

* Transformers
* Shawn of the Dead
* Jawbreaker
* Labyrinth
* Children of Men

Top 5 Dream Jobs

*Psychologist
* Sex Counselor
* Porn
* CEO of a restaurant franchise
* Stay at home mom

Top 5 Weapons to Use During Zombie Apocalypse

* Sawed off shot gun
*Machete
* Records
* Long-handle Axe
* Dynamite

Top 5 Phrases (real life phrases)

* BITCH!!!
* Oh, eff that
* GTS-Google that shit!
* Oh, hellllll no
* Agreed

Top 5 Bands/Singers

* Common
* India.Arie
* Gangstarr
* Gym Class Heroes
* Fall Out Boy

Top 5 Soundtracks

* Matrix
* GTA: San Andreas
* Silent Hill
* Resident Evil
* Hitman (AVE MARIA)

Top 5 TV Shows

* Anthony Bourdain's - No Reservations
* Simpsons
* Ninja Warrior
* Taboo
* Bleach

Top 5 Super Powers

* Invulnerability
* Pyrokinesis
* Telekinesis
* Ability to stop time
* Super Strength

Top 5 Women/Men over 50 (or 40) to Sleep With (young ones are easy)

* Pam Grier
* Sean Connery
* Samuel L. Jackson
* Don Johnson
*Ernie Hudson

Top 5 Movies I Liked As A Kid

* Labyrinth
* Willow
* The Little Mermaid
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
* Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Top 5 Favorite Sites (as of now)

* facebook
*otaku booty
* myspace
* college humor
* the bunny system

Fat Bitches and Skinny Hoes

2007-11-19T21:29:00.000-05:00

It is no secret that I am not a small woman; true I'm not the biggest, but I am definitely not the smallest. I was having a conversation with my friend who is also a larger woman, and we were discussing when a man says "You are fine/pretty for a big girl" and expects us to be flattered by that statement. Ok, first of all...WHAT IN THE HELL?!? I'm fine/pretty for any size woman and what makes you think that you saying that to me would make me let you in my pants? Then the conversation turned to society and the advertisements that we are constantly exposed to, which is a whole other kettle of fish.

We all know that society tries to force their version of beauty into our minds, but they also are teaching us from an early age to not love ourselves. At my job, I work with a lot of young women; most of them are between 8 and 14 years old. You have no idea how many young girls that I've heard say that they feel like they need to lose weight or that they have fat thighs or something along those lines. Any time that I hear this, I'm the first to react and tell these girls that they are beautiful and that there is no standard of beauty that they need to meet. It is insane to me that parents aren't instilling a sense of self-worth and high self esteem in these girls. I've been a big girl for my entire life, that will not change as I have a large frame...the only difference is that during my childhood, my parents made SURE I knew that I was beautiful in every way and that there it is more important to be valued for one's mind than for your looks. Looks fade, the beauty of the mind is most important.

I'm just frustrated with the mental state of the next generation of young ladies. Their parents are not teaching them that there is no strict standard of beauty. A woman is beauty in herself...the fact that she is a woman. We underestimate our sex, and we don't see our own strength and intelligence. There are SO many people who feel as if it is fine to say rude/cruel things about each other's weight because other people say it to them...IT'S A FRIGGIN CYCLE! This is completely unnecessary because if we could just stand together as women and stop calling each other out of our names, we could be SO much stronger. We need to stop seeing ourselves as fat bitches or skinny hoes, and see each other as sisters!

The Cockiest Female Alive

2007-11-15T18:20:00.000-05:00

At the moment I'm sitting in my friend's room with my ex's brother playing video games and talking shit. I was having a conversation with Carolyn last night about how both of us would rather be around men than women. It has been my entire life that all my closest friends were males. I don't have female friends because I don't like bullshit and drama. I like to spend time with people I enjoy being around; I don't like being around more drama than I absolutely have to be. I used to think this was the only reason that I enjoy being around my male friends so much...that's not the case.

I enjoy spending so much time with them because I enjoy fighting. I enjoy a little friendly confrontation. This is the same reason why I enjoy LAN parties and playing Halo...I'm competitive as all hell (and a little geeky). Most of my male friends have told me that I have officially earned the title of "The Cockiest Female Alive". I am a bonafide shit talker when it comes to gaming. I will kick ass playing Halo 3 and talk shit for hours. I treat it like it's my job. I enjoy it so!

Trust In Me...

2007-11-14T04:37:00.000-05:00

I think I am probably the most stubborn person who ever lived, excluding my grandmother (God rest her soul). It is like no matter how close someone is to me and what they have done for me, I never trust them enough to completely open up or give myself to them. I try to force myself to trust people, but it never works. It's like, I open up but only partially in order to protect my heart. Somehow in my mind, a person cannot let everyone in. If they do this, eventually it no longer becomes precious to have a place someone's heart.

It is incredibly difficult for me to trust, since like most adults, I've been hurt in some way. It is getting more and more difficult for me to let people in so they can really get to know me. I'm working on it, of course but it's definitely my worst problem. It's like I love my friends, but there are only a few of them who truly know me for who I am. This bothers me immensely.

When we are children, we just know that our parents would not let us fall. When I was a little girl, I used to jump from the very top of our stairs when my dad would come home. I absolutely knew he would never drop me. I would love to have that type of trust in another person at this age. I honestly think that this would make my existence a bit easier.

I love being the independent and ambitious woman I am, but in that same breath I long to have someone understand me completely and be there through thick and thin. My biggest fear, like most adults, is being alone. I absolutely cannot stand to go through something hard like I am right now and feel alone. It is so difficult to trust someone in this day and age...even if you have known them for years. I guess it's just something I need to deal with and work through.

Fate vs. Coincidence

2007-11-12T06:58:00.000-05:00

My best and I have spent the past couple of nights talking. It seems as if things are falling into place almost perfectly. Our bond, our pasts, our lives...everything has been intertwined. It's almost scary. I have never been one to put much stock in reincarnation, but that is the only way to properly understand it.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you just KNOW has been a part of your past even though you've never met before? He is that to me. The only way I can describe it is like this: he was a part of me before I was properly formed; he is the strongest part of me, my warrior. He has become my stability and my strength. On the other hand, I am his safe haven; I make him whole. I make him realize his full potential. I have become his solitude and place of rest whenever he needs it. I also give him his inspiration to continue fighting

I don't know what has been going on for the past couple of weeks, but he picked up on it as much as I did. Something is about to happen; things are changing and I'm excited. We are getting things together and preparing. The image on the left is an Egyptian goddess named Sekhmet who's ceremonies fall on my birthday every year, look it up. Her husband's name is Ptah. It is amazing the things you find out after a little research. Balance is key. Finding your soul's balance is the deepest happiness a person can feel.

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.----Aristotle

If you still don't get what I'm saying, do yourself a favor and listen to India.Arie's song "The Truth". The entire gist of what I'm saying is in this song. Enjoy.

Love in the Time of Broken Feet

2007-11-10T12:22:00.000-05:00

Well, my best left last night because he has a battle in Detroit tonight that I'm pissed because I have to miss it. Oh well, I'll see him and the boys perform in a couple of weeks. It's amazing how deep of a connection one can make without even attempting. By just letting it grow into whatever it will be later. *sigh* Anyway, I have made a decision to move back to Kalamazoo and finish up my undergrad at Western. I was shocked when that was my first thought, it's mostly because I want to be around my family.

I'm getting my stuff into Western pretty soon. I just finished the online re-app and they need a copy of my transcript from here. They already have my transcript from KVCC. So this is one of those yeah...we'll see situations. I definitely got my internship (helloooo $20/hr)! So, I will be at home to handle the rest of everything and that makes me incredibly happy. I miss my family and everyone else INCREDIBLY! My parents were extremely happy that I'll be home. My dad was like, well...just figure out how to deal with your mom because you know how you all get after a few months: at each others' throats. I don't think that will happen this time, because she understands that I'm too damn old for her to pull that shit anymore. It is difficult for her to accept, but she'll get it it eventually.

My foot is still torn up, but it's not NEARLY as painful as it was last week. It still looks rough, like you can see the bone, but it's not as bruised thank God. I'll post pics so you guys can see how gross that stuff was. It was NAAAASTY. Anyway, I'm off to finish my homework for the week. woohoo.

Who Needs Religion?

2007-11-07T12:08:00.000-05:00

I am not exactly a religious person, although it is true I was raised in a mixture of Catholic and Baptist teachings and went to a Catholic school. As I have become an adult, I have discovered my own slant on spirituality and the self. Most people do this as they become older. I do believe in God and I do believed that He has a plan already in progress for us all. I also believe that certain things, events, and people are in your life for a purpose and they play a scheme in the Master Plan.

My best friend drove up spur of the moment because I think he could feel that I needed him (he is 3 hours away back home, in Kalamazoo). We've always had this odd bond that we know when the other is hurting emotionally and we know when there is an emergency with the other person. It's like we have the strongest walkie-talkie set ever, in our brains. Anyway, he has always been a spiritual person but didn't really believe in a Divine Entity. That has changed. He has discovered who he is spiritually as well as who I am spiritually. The best way to explain it is that we are 2 sides to the same coin. We know each other better than anyone else on the planet and it shows.

I won't lie to you, I am not a big fan of change. Everyone who knows me is quite aware of that fact. I am a control freak, just like my Dad. Anyway, I realized that my fear of change and desire to control everything around me is a lack of belief in myself. It is as if I know I can't do something so in order for it to get done, I have to have a certain environment. This is from me doubting that I can do this task set before me.

I have been doing some deep exploration as to what my purpose here is, I think I may have figured it out. I am here to envision tasks that have been set before us. I am good with mental pictures and I am incredibly sensitive to spiritual activity. During meditation, I get a lot of mental pictures that normally tie together to form something. I'm not sure if it's little slips of His plan that The Creator is showing glimpses of or what. I know it sounds nuts, but I am just trying to piece it together and figure it all out.

Barack Obama and a Hungry Kitty

2007-11-06T15:00:00.000-05:00

Well by now, it's pretty obvious that I am a Barack Obama stan. Quite frankly, he's a phenomenal candidate and the sheer fact that he was willing to go on Saturday Night Live is just more reason for me to support him. Funny sketch below. Enjoy!

Also, this is a video that reminds me of my cats. The two of them growl and bite you if you touch their food. Enjoy this one too!

A Dream Deferred

2007-11-05T02:01:00.000-05:00

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

Everyone has a few goals or dreams that they would like to accomplish. There are many reasons why we try to justify putting these things off. Sometimes we're too busy, sometimes we get married and begin families, other times we just forget or ignore these dreams. I am very guilty of putting off my dreams and goals because I'm too busy or that I forgot my dreams. Most of the time, I tell myself that I'll do it later or do it tomorrow. I'm sure many of you have done the same. Let's be honest, that tomorrow or later never happens. Things still come up or hinder our plans.

Most of us need to realize that the tomorrow that we keep putting things off for, never happens. We continue to put off our goals and dreams, and they eventually disappear. My mother told me a long time ago that when she was in college, she wanted to be an interior designer. I asked what happened to that dream. She told me that the opportunity at State Farm was brought to her attention and she took them up on it. She forgot her dream eventually and has worked at State Farm for 26 years. She still has the urge to design, but she doesn't have the time or the energy for it anymore. That is what depressed me the most as we talked about this.

We need to remind ourselves that we keep putting off for tomorrow, what we could do today; we need to keep our dreams in the front of our minds in order to utilize them as a driving force in all we do. If we continue to do so, the dream will die.

Daylight Savings Time and The Semester

2007-11-04T12:39:00.001-05:00

This is my favorite time of year! I get to sleep for an extra hour and I love it. It does mess up my internal clock though. This morning I got up and started looking for a job, as I do every morning and realized that it was 8 AM...I didn't need to be up for another 2.5 hours. I laid back down and couldn't fall back asleep. I was disappointed.

I'm confused as to why they change the date for Daylight Savings. Last weekend, I changed my clock and then realized that I was COMPLETELY wrong. I was confused for the rest of the day. Then my friend asked me to tell her what time it was and I looked at my phone and realized that I changed the clock on the wrong day. *sigh* There is no hope for me.

I'm in the middle of trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I desperately need to pay my rent and bills, so you all will see a rise in the amount of sponsored posts I do (I'M SORRY!). I don't like to do them, but I definitely need the cash and I will only do posts that relate to what's going on in my life.

Things are getting hectic since there are only 5 more weeks until the semester is over (YAY!) and I can relax and work on getting my money up. The only thing is that I need to pay off all these bills and other things before the semester is over. I really want to go home for Thankgiving, but since my car is acting up; I probably won't be able to. You all could help by donating to my PayPal account by using that link on the right *uses puppy dog eyes*. If not, then you all can send Ramen and other non-perishable food items (if you feel so inclined, email me at wrybeauty@gmail dot com for the mailing address). We're starvin' over here! Well, I'm going to go finish the job search.

Oh no...My Credit!

2007-11-04T11:03:00.001-05:00

Well, you all know that I'm a college student which normally equates to bad credit, of course. I'm working really hard to get my bills paid and get my credit back to where it used to be. It's kind of a vicious cycle: I need a loan to pay off my bills; I can't get a loan because my bills aren't paid. I'm sure most of you can relate. Anyway, one of the best things you can do is to keep tabs on your credit report. After that, you can look for loans that are specifically designed for people with bad credit.

After doing some searching and light detective work on the internet, I came across a great resource for bad credit loans. Badcreditoffers.com is a great website, since so many people in the US have bad credit, it helps to rescue us from debt. One of the other great services that this website provides is that you can check your credit report and see exactly what the lenders see! Keeping yourself updated on your credit report is what EVERYONE should be doing, it can save you quite a bit of headache later on.

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